Roses and Dreams: A Collection of Short Fantasy Stories

Supernatural Dating Agency

"Supernatural Dating Agency. This is Kels speaki—"

A sharp, inhuman screech interrupted me. Black smoke poured out of the phone's hearing end. I sighed, replacing the phone. We usually go through four supernatural phone filters a week. Just as well; the alternative was I replace my eardrums. Unfortunately, my body parts did not regenerate that easily.

I returned to the application forms and shook my head at the photo of the gentleman with the stitched-together human flesh, sliding it aside.

The door slammed open. The gust that followed almost made even my soaked hair flutter. I clutched my seaweed crown to my head, eyebrows raised.

"Have a seat, Cadence." I gestured to the chair before me.

"I'll stand, thanks." She slung her leather bag onto my table with a wet thud, glaring at me. "My date you paired me with – you assured me he is the perfect fit."

"He is," I said mildly, gesturing to my pile of paperwork that now sat sodden beneath her bag. "You matched almost 100% in hobbies and aspirations and I recall no complaints until today."

"I had no trouble when I was writing to him," Cadence grudgingly admitted, tossing her head of black curls.

"So what seems to be the issue?"

"The issue," she seethed, "is I was going to marry him. I had the ring ready and everything!"

I blinked. My client did report Cadence having fallen head over heels for him and he was equally smitten. Who was I to stand in the way of true love?

"And when we had our first date, it all went to pieces! For starters, he was fifteen minutes late to our date so I had to order for us."

"There were, ah, issues with the automatic door sensors."

"When we had the pizza, he took one bite and threw up!"

"My client is allergic to garlic..."

"I said we should go for a walk and see the sunset, all the romantic stuff, he said no."

"He has... issues with sunlight."

"When I proposed with a ring, he caught on fire and ran away." Cadence screeched dramatically at such a pitch the glass window behind me cracked and I winced.

"Cadence, you used a sterling silver ring."

"A vampire! You matched me to a vampire!"

"Both of you like people—"

"Not drinking their blood!"

"—and nature."

"I like rivers and seas! He can't cross either!"

"...Ah."

"You see!" she wailed. "I'm doomed! I'll never find love!"

"I thought he was the one," I said softly.

"It'll never work out! We're too different!"

"You match perfectly," I repeated. "If you don't give it another go, there won't be another like him."

She stilled, mopping her eyes.

"I suppose he did praise my singing," she said reluctantly. "And I don't need the sea all the time."

"Uh-huh."

"And he was ever so handsome, in a deceased way." She paused. "Fine. I'll give it one more go. If it goes wrong again, I'm giving up on love!"

"You do that," I said encouragingly, but she'd already gone, leaving my sodden paperwork and a puddle of water on the ground. I sighed. Sirens were always so dramatic.

Word count: 496

Written for Ambassadors's The Date Planner prompt.