Hopeless

Rainy Day

Today's it. Today is the day I just give up on life. All my friends hate me. My boyfriend cheated on me with two of my best (and only) friends I thought I had. I don't know where my dad is. All my mom wants is money from me that she can't make on her own. I'm in dept because of my mom. I hate my job. I'm depressed. I've been cutting myself since I was fifteen. What is there left to do. What is there left to make me happy. I'm done. I'm hopeless.

But let's start from the beginning. My dad left my mom after she had her first child which was me. She was left with nothing. No money. No husband. No happiness. Just me and our lonely little bungalow in Detroit. And it wasn't even the nice part of Detroit oh no no no, it was the poor, dirty, crime filled part of Detroit. So you can imagine my childhood wasn't that great. My mom didn't have a job, so she became an exotic dancer (a stripper). She was a mess. She would come home at like 4am, drunk, with some random dude she met at the bar and they would hook up. That happened about three times a week. She never actually told me what she did for a living until I was about seventeen. But I knew what she did pretty much my whole life. It was obvious. She started trying to get sugar daddy's when I was 9, but no man wanted her. I don't blame them. I probably wouldn't either. She was a hot mess. She started doing drugs, gambolling, and even got plastic surgery with the little money she had. I was never aloud to have friends over because she was too ashamed of herself. She was being abused by her bosses and hated her job. She didn't want to do what she was doing but she just couldn't help herself. When I was fourteen she tried to hang herself because she hated her life. Luckily, I got back from school in time to see her laying on the floor, passed out because she fell from trying to hang herself. I called my friend and he took us to the hospital in his car. I knew we couldn't afford an ambulance to come, so it was the only option. When we got to the hospital, the doctors said she had a minor concussion, and she should get help from a therapist for all of her issues. We still couldn't afford to get a therapist, but this was a huge awakening for her. She stopped doing drugs, and quit her job. But she had to become a cashier, and that doesn't pay a lot of money, so I had to get a job at McDonald's. And trust me, I wasn't lovin it ;). She still went to the bar where she used to work a lot, but she was getting a bit better. And that brings us to where we start the story.