Her...

1

I've been thinking and please don't kill me for saying it..but if you want to hurt, then just love someone and lose them. Not only does it upset you..but it breaks you..it kills you inside day, after day, after day. Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year your mind will stay on that person. That is the universe yelling at you saying "HELLO YOU SEE THIS PERSON HERE? THE ONE I HAVE KEPT ON YOUR MIND. TALK TO THEM!!! YOU NEED THEM YOU FOOLISH GIRL!!!"

  I have loved before. You know those stupid butterflies you get in the pit of your stomach whenever you see them, or hear them. You know that smile you can't get out of your god forsaken head, and their laugh..ugh it is like music to your ears. That one smile you look for in a crowd of people. That constant urge to text them just to ask "how was your day?" Even though you aren't with them anymore, and you know very well that you would still be holding that hand if you would have opened your eyes, and realized how much that person truly means to you. And, even though you guys argued.. allot.. at least you were talking to them.

   You told them things you haven't told anyone else. You trust them with your life even to this day. You would even rip your beating heart from your chest, and give it to them. You would give up your life if it meant that they got to breathe one more time. You would give them your heart.. even if you knew that they would probably cut into it, make you pay for hurting them, but you wouldn't care because at least they were holding your heart.

But, now.. you are paying the price for your mistake. You get to watch the girl of your dreams be happy with someone else..but in all honesty they deserve to be happy. They get to move on wholeheartedly while you jump around to different people in an attempt to get all those memories out of your head.

   You smile and laugh with the person you're with when that feeling of being looked at by the girl you would do anything for, you laugh so they don't see how much you hurt. You smile so they think you're okay, that you don't think about them anymore. You laugh to add to act of being happy without them. Even though in all honesty you are even more lost than you were before them.

Maybe I miss you... maybe I still love you.. perhaps this is all coming out at the wrong time... Shit...