Outlets

Chapter 1

I'd like to think that life is a big ball of sunshine.

Think about how wonderful that would be. I mean having no worries, heat bearing down on you, maybe licking an ice cream cone while walking on the boardwalk, and nothing but happiness.

But unfortunately, the rain falls and washes out everything in its path, leaving nothing but total destruction and little to no hope of ever recovering.

The rain has been pouring down on me for as long as I can remember and sadly it's washed all the hope out of me.

Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes a person has to crawl and drag their bodies to their breaking point to receive what they need, not wish for. Life's a struggle and not many beat the battle alone. So of course I'm stuck in a battlefield without a shield. Simply faking a smile is enough to fool everyone.

Shows how observant people are right?

I'm not happy or angry or sad. I'm just...numb.

People always say that it gets better, but they have no idea how long it actually takes to get better. It's different for everybody. For some people it's only a couple of weeks or months, but for others it can take years or an entire lifetime.

So if you still have it in your head that everyone's life is a bunch of smiley faces and rainbows, then I'm sorry but this is your wakeup call.

As much as people like to believe in fairytales, it's just not the truth.

So you're all probably wondering about what made me so bitter. Well the truth is, it wasn't just one singular thing. It was a whole bunch of events that lead to me being awoken by a slap to the face by life.

Even though you've already heard some of my thoughts, it doesn't mean I'm going to fully open up to you right away so you're just going to have to sit tight and wait until I feel like I can trust you.

So you better be patient for there's going to be a long road ahead of you.

I am trying to move on, however. I'm currently in my second year at College for Creative Studies in Detroit, Michigan for the Art program. I guess you could say art is my outlet for the emotions taht are otherwise tucked away deep inside of me.

I don't take too much pride in my artwork, even though other people tell me I should. I'm no Van Gough or Michealangelo. I've never been featured in an artshow or anything.

I groan hearing my alarm clock blare it's obnoxious tone telling me to wake up once again. I turn it off before my roommate can throw yet another pillow at me and tell me to shut the damn thing off. I pry off the sheets that stick to my skin and raise my arms above me in an attempt to untie the knot in my shoulders.

I look over at the window and see the sky is still mostly dark. I walk over and pull the curtains apart to fully experience the view of the city at night. The only thing illuminating the city is the streetlights, lights from offices that are already open for business, and the stars. I clutch the curtains as I look up and see the last of the stars in the sky. I stand there and stare at the beauty. I close my eyes and let the darkness seep into my bones.

It feels so refreshing and all to soon I know I have to let it go. I open my eyes and let go of the curtains. I slowly step back and stare at my reflection, right into my own gray eyes. I blink at myself lazily before I turn away and grab my clothes so I can take a shower before I leave to go to my first class of the day.

When I turn on the light in the bathroom, it burns my eyes and all of the beauty that has just seeped into my bones. I place my clothes on the counter before I place both of my hands on the ledge of the counter and look at myself in the mirror. I sigh before I run a hand through my long blonde hair. I turn on the faucet and cup my hands together to gather the cold water and splash it on my face to wake me up.