sappy love.

1

i sucked in the picturesque scenery; with its wet leaves drooping.

beauty in silence never changes.

what did change, was me. before, i looked up at the fluff in the sky with vile tears, wanting to curse at my veins over and over and over again.

why do you; these little blue lighting streaks in my skin, allow me to breathe, exist, or live?

i remember standing in this exact spot, feeling the dead roots shatter under my feet, and the trees standing tall, looking as lonesome and hollow.

my fellow loners.

i remember letting my silver locks drift in front of my shaking eyes. i cursed at how annoying they were.

i remember gripping my jacket sleeves, looking down in solemn and deadpanning the ground, where everything was dead.

then, i used to look up into the giant earth masterpieces that once had blossomed, ready to burst into death, once their hairs fell to the ground as leaves.

it never settled into my gut that i once looked at this piece of art which was beautiful, bewitching, a complete painting, as a hideous season; where it was dark, disgustingly orange and brown, and a place where I could wither similar to myself— in a questionably ugly place.

now, I see the beauty.

i was selfish to be so devoted into my own miserable emotions, and push it onto the season of fall. i took my arm into his and stood proudly.

looking at the same room of life, i looked at my new blonde locks, and let my grin spread across my face.

it sounded amazing to my ears, thinking of my life now.

i loved my hair, and no longer wished for everything to disappear, for myself to disappear.

it's funny how the last year of twenty seventeen allowed my perspective of busan to murder my passion for dance.

it's hilarious how i stood in this same spot, weltering tears gushing into the floor once, and that they weren't happy tears. oh, how much of a difference it made that my arm was around his. that i was his.

now, i feel more than snug to eat, not counting the calories immediately after the scent of food, more proud to live.

if you told me before, i wouldn't believe this life was possible.

and to think it began with me and my lack of air, and a boy with powers.

-
merry xmas to those who are jolly and celebrate today :')