sonder.

1

Dreaming is fun.

Seriously, I usually sleep in until at least midday if I can. I force myself to. It's so much better than being awake usually, I can take myself to my own world where everything is perfect. I can just, think. I think, and then it's real in my mind, and everything can be exactly how I want it to be. Sinful me always has so much fun with his girlfriend in dreams. It's like playing God.

The real God, however, thinks I should get up at 10am, if this fucking screeching sound is anything to go by. The scraping, horrific metal sound is literally piercing through my skull. Sometimes being able to hear everything is a curse.

I really don't want to get up. Today is a day of boredom, where I'll be stuck in the house with literally nothing to do. None of my friends are free; and my protective ass parents don't just let me wander out of the house. Honestly the only thing I want to do today is sleep. That, and all the other usual stuff I do when I'm bored; which can mean anything from rocking out on the bass guitar to crying on the floor wishing I wasn't alone.

I mean, I'm not alone. I have family. I have a decent amount of friends. Some of them are close, and I consider ourselves to be tight. I don't know if they necessarily reciprocate that, but, yanno, oh well. When I say I'm lonely I mean without a significant other. And without a significant other, I don't get any action with the opposite sex. I've always felt that I need to be in a relationship to feel true sexual attraction and actually, like, consent.

Except I've been lonely for my entire life, except for a shitty twelvie relationship that ended in pure disaster. As twelvies, the furthest we went was a peck on the lips. And alas, that's the furthest I have ever gone with a girl. I laugh at my own pity. I know other 16 year olds that literally live with their partners. In comparison to most my age, I'm completely innocent.

The reality is, though, I don't just crave sexual attraction. I am a very loving and attaching person, and honestly, what I really want is someone that I can invest myself in and love with my entire heart. One day that girl will come, hopefully before my fingers tire out.

Oh hey, I dozed off again, and now it's 1pm. My internet addicted self automatically rolls to my left and grabs my phone off my bedside table. I am horrified to find that I have 16 missed calls from Zoe. I'm not horrified that I missed them. I'm horrified that she wanted to call me 16 times.

Zoe is a friend who I recently got close with. I knew her before, but we only just started taking. Talking, as in getting existential over text at 3am. I'm not a very existential person, and I fake it often, but I'm just happy to have a friend who regularly talks to me.

Should I call her back? I honestly can't be fucked. She calls me for the most random, pointless updates about her life usually. However, it could be about our plans tomorrow. It angers me a little bit but I might as well see if this is remotely important.

Zoe answers my call before I even bring the phone to my ear.

"Hey Hugo I need to talk to you about tomorrow I'm so excited you have no idea!"

How she manages to say that all in one breath without verbal punctuation amazes me. "Yeah okay, what's up?"

"Can we bring two more people as well, I asked them if they want to come and they said yes! Well, Jack said yes and Maya just kind of said 'fine whatever Zoe' but yeah can they come?"

Well, who am I to argue. I say sure.

"Great great! Talk to you later, haha!"

Zoe is quite a spontaneous planner. Now there's gonna be five of us heading around the city. At least they are all cool people. Jack has been my friend for a couple of years. He's the big friendly guy that everyone gets along with, and I would probably trust him with my life if I had to. I don't particularly know Maya that well, only talked to her a few times at school, but she seems cool. Zoe and London, the two I had originally planned with, are both friends at school with me and with each other.

Now that I've dealt with that, I have no choice but to be extremely fucking lazy and sleep again, despite being in bed for 11 hours. I guess after tomorrow I might have some new close friends. This will be interesting to dream about.