I walk up the pale blue, threadbare steps
Concentrating so hard on not stumbling
That I seem to have created a tailback behind me.
I apologise, speeding up and then inevitably stumbling;
I apologise again to the faceless faces and clamber onwards.
I open the already partly opened door.
Stopping. I allow my eyes a second to absorb my surroundings:
A thousand and five books, old and new,
The walls are plastered with posters
And paintings by unknown artists,
A piece of the berlin wall, 1961-1989
But everything else is rendered benign
By the stag’s head staring back at me.
I sit on the opposite side of the room
But I swear his big beady eyes follow.
I open the curtain slightly, peeking through
Looking out to sea, and the moon’s reflection,
There’s a quiet ‘ahem’ from behind me
And I jump around, apologising yet again.
It’s the waitress; it’s a cute waitress.
Now I’m stuck with two dilemmas,
Do I feign confidence and look her in the eye
Or do I act naturally, like they say you should
And stare at the wall instead.
The second is ‘hmmm, tea or coffee?’
I stare at the wall instead, and ask for tea.
She walks out of the room; the door closing behind her.
There’s a sudden movement out of the corner of my eye
“Nice work there, really smooth!”
I turn surprised, as the stag flicks its ear,
Scraping its antler across the ceiling,
A piece of plaster dislodges itself
And falls loudly to the floor.
The waitress comes back in with a tray,
Sporting tea, a bowl of sugar lumps and a teaspoon.
She stands expectantly and my heart begins to race,
I splutter, “Hey, my Ed is name.”
“What?” She chokes back the laughter
“My name is Ed.”
“Right, that’s nice. Are you ready to order?”
“Oh, a cheese and tomato Panini please,
What was your name sorry, I didn’t catch it.”
“I never said it, and it’s Evie” she sighs.
I say it phonetically to myself as she turns
As if I’ve never heard the name before.
“Eeeeeee-veeeeeeeeee”
“What?”
“Oh nothing sorry,”
She spins out of the room,
The echo of her steps dancing up the stairs.
“Eeeeeeeeee-veeeeeeeee, don’t leave meeeeeee!” The stag cries.
I’ve had enough, I walk with utter determination towards him
Grabbing him by the antlers and I tear his flipping head off
Well, off the wall. Everyone stops talking and looks at me,
I realise what I’ve done, and run to the door and down the stairs.
I pay the waitress, Evie, for the Panini and tea.
And run home as fast as I can, and I don’t think I’ll ever leave.
