Stay with Me (A Niall Horan Fan Fiction)

Chapter 38

One week later

“Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.” – Nicholas Sparks

Love might be a simple four lettered word but it has the power to break or make us. It can either be our greatest strength or our biggest weakness. Love can conquer the world and eradicate all the forms of pessimism and corruptions but it can crumble the same as well. While it can motivate us to rise high it can equally shatter us into ashes, into nothing.

I've had enough love in my life. I've had wonderful parents and a beautiful sister and some really nice friends. However, like they say “Every good thing must have an end”, I also suffered this ‘end’. It hit me hard and terribly bad when that brutal accident took away the lives of my family who were my pillars; I was crushed when all my ‘nice’ friends turned out to be ‘sham’ and left me in the mid-ocean when I needed them the most. I was transmuted into ashes. Of course I had and still have Mr. and Mrs. Gandhi and I love them but they’re no replacements for my family even though they really looked after me like that. However, the warrior in me pulled me up and helped me to return from the ashes, much like a phoenix.

Everything changed with Niall’s arrival in my life. He swirled me around in his crazy world and made me fall madly in love with him. I commenced to recover slowly and would've reached the finishing point had life not thrown yet another complication at me. I was now transfigured into nothing. I was a lifeless person walking around with a beating heart. I had no emotions left inside me. Loneliness was all that I succumbed to and it didn't hurt me any more because I didn't feel anything. I followed the regular rules though like eating, drinking, bathing, sleeping and studying but not a single deed was done from my own. I certainly felt someone else doing all these actions by resorting to my body. Sometimes at night, when I couldn't sleep, I tried to make myself cry by remembering the happy moments I spent with Niall in the hope that the truth of it not being a part of my life any more would make me shed some tears but to no avail.

Niall on the other hand, kept trying. He called me and left me quite a few text messages after I left his apartment that morning but I didn't respond to any of them. I could clearly see no hope and thought it would be unfair to both of us if we dragged this any further knowing what waited in the path ahead. I wanted to get used to not being with him when he was still within my reach. If I could endure that indefinable pain then I could at least try to endure the pain of not having him ever. Initially, his calls and messages weakened me but as I started to dodge them, I became more and more numb and dead inside.

Rita was the only person who knew about Niall and my break-up. I had to tell her two days after the incident when she called me to inform that her date with the chartered accountant didn't go well. She sensed something wrong in my voice and even though I tried to drive her away, she made me reveal everything to her.

“Are you okay?” Rita asked.

“I don’t feel anything to answer that.” I replied.

“What about your semesters?”

“What about it?”

“Are you studying?”

“That’s my daily job, why wouldn't I?”

“You sound terrible.” She said.

“Well, thank you.”

“You need to go out and get some fresh air. I'm gonna make sure that happens after your exam.”

“I don’t need any fresh air. I'm fine. I gotta study now, bye.” I retorted and hung up.

I didn’t know what I needed to make myself feel better. I didn't even know if I was needed to feel better rather than feel something. I appreciated Rita’s care and concern though but I didn't want to talk about the separation with anyone.