Folie a Q

One

Co-written with the fantabulous Ehcimocs. Our eternal thanks to Lisa (PTX Librarian) for reminding us how much we wanted this AU. And also to Juli, who will figure out why when she gets there.

Scott frowns, blinking at the bridge's main view-screen. He's not going to say the first thing that comes to mind here. Just... no.  Instead, he tries to formulate a question befitting the dignity of the captain of a Federation starship.

"What the hell am I looking at, Esther?" Welp, almost.

"This should be Messier 69, Captain, a metal-rich globular star cluster," Lieutenant Commander Kaplan-Koop stares at the control panel beneath her fingertips. "Elemental composition is consistent with records of M69, but star placements are... very much not." She pauses and looks up at Scott. "Sir, our latest charts are less than 4 months old. It appears that the cluster has been... rearranged."

That doesn't sound good. "Any evidence as to what may have caused it?"

"None sir, although the, uh, configuration appears to be static."

"Anyone else think that looks like a giant butt?" Commander Maldonado stands up and walks closer to the view-screen. She turns to face Scott. "Sorry, but someone had to say it."

Yep. He's just glad that for once it wasn't him. He can always count on Kirstie.

"Captain!" Lieutenant Sallee calls sharply, alarm clear in his voice, "sensors are detecting a powerful gravitational anomaly! Magnitude rapidly increasing. Dead ahead."

In the centre of the altered star formation, a bright light flares to life, radiating from a central point. The ship lurches forwards, jolting the crew.

"Reverse engines, maximum force!" Scott yells.

The impulse drive thrums to life, but the image on the viewscreen doesn't recede the way Scott anticipated. Instead, the ship appears to be straining against the pull of the anomaly.

"Lieutenant?"

"Sir, a singularity just opened up. We're caught in its gravitational field."

Shit. "Options?!"

Another brief flash of light appears - this time inside the bridge - and is accompanied by a sudden change in air pressure that makes Scott's ears pop. Suddenly and inexplicably, there is an unfamiliar and very naked man standing in front of him, hands on hips.   

"Wow, how screwed are you?" the man asks with obvious glee.

***

The mortals, of course, trigger their pathetic security procedures, and Q is soon staring down several phasers. He rolls his eyes and blinks them out of existence. Really, watching humanoids stare dumbly at their suddenly empty hands never gets old.

"Can't a guy even create art in peace without some starship crashing headlong into his galactic canvas?" He walks around the bridge, examining the stations and walls like he's curious about what they laughingly call technology, but really he's circling the tall one who thinks himself in charge. "So who do I have the pleasure of incorporating into mixed media today?"

The tall one narrows his eyes. "I'm Captain Scott Hoying of the Federation starship Fragaria. This is my First Officer, Commander Kirstin Maldonado." He points to the substantially smaller female beside him. "We're on a peaceful scientific mission of exploration. We mean no harm to either you or your, um, art." His gaze drops from Q's eyes for a moment, before he obviously wrenches it back up, flushing. "Could we maybe provide you with some clothes?"