Walk on the Beach - R5 Fanfic

Chapter 47

"Ross, I'm sorry. I am so so sorry."  I croaked out, I can't do this.  

"You okay?"  He asked, but I ignored him.

"You know I love you, and only you. This is so hard to tell you and I hope you will understand.   And I really don't know how to say this but, I-"  He cut me off by putting his hand on my shoulder making me stop my words.

"Blair, it's okay."  He said stroking my shoulder.

"No, it's not. I screwed up.  I am sorry but I-"  he cut me off again but with words.

"You kissed Josh."  He said firmly.  I looked up with a tear running down my face.  "I know."

"How? Oh my god.  Ross I'm sorry, I don't know why I did it, I swear I don't care about him-"  

"Jenna told me.  Yesterday."  

"Wait you knew, since yesterday?"  

"Yeah, and I get it."  He said, I was startled by it too.

"Really.  Ross if you want to dump me, I understand.  I screwed up and you have every right to just leave me."

"No, I'm not going to leave you.  I still love you.  And you were hurting, and I couldn't be there for you."  

"This isn't working out.  We are too far apart, and with Josh here it scares me that I might do something stupid again.  Why do we have to be separated so far apart for so long?"  I said, I still wasn't sure if Ross had truly been okay with this.

"It is, it's just hard.  Jenna told me everything, exactly what you told her.  Look I get it.  I really do.  And I feel like I know you well enough to know that you aren't lying."  

"I promise there is nothing between me and him.  He was just there...and I don't know.  But I honestly can't forgive myself over this."

"It just hurts me to think that I couldn't be there for you."  Ross said looking down.

"I don't think we can keep this up."  I said.

"We can try."  He said looking back at me.  "It will work out, and I will try to be with you more."

"How do you know?  We can't be constantly flying back and forth, we can't afford it.  You have performances and acting jobs, I have school and college applications.  Can we actually keep this up?" 

He gave me this look that just seemed to say 'I don't know'.  Then he leaned in to kiss me.  This was different though, not like any other kiss he had given me.  It was passionate, yet it felt distant.  Like this chain in our relationship we had, like one of the links had just broken.  I knew it was because of so many reasons.  Me kissing Josh, our distance from eachother, and lastly we both knew that tomorrw we would be separated again.  Tomorrow we would watch eachother leave, leaving both of our hearts broken but hopeful.  That hope however, was dying.  We both wanted to be together, and we had been through so much.  I know Ross had the same thoughts.  And once he was done kissing me, I looked into those familiar hazel eyes.  The same eyes that I couldn't stop staring into when I first met him.  He looked back int omy eyes, and said something that brought some of that dead hope back to life.  Proving maybe we could continue this relationship.  Just maybe.  

"We've made it this far."  He said.  Then I wrapped my arms around him tightly and just let my feelings take over.  Tears stained my cheeks, he had his head nuzzled onto mine.   Him holding me as tightly as I was holding him.  Then came the words I had heard before.  I can't believe he had remembered them.  The words that I had sobbed the first time I heard them, but now I was sobbing harder.  

"I'm here, I'm staying right by your side for as long as I can still hold you."