All This Time (Destiel, Sabriel and Michifer AU)

Ben Winchester

The words echo around Dean's head, leaving a sick, empty feeling behind. The machine is switched off and the long beep disappears with it. Dean wanted to wake up, this all felt like some sort of sick dream.

Then, a small hiccuping cry fills the air and Dean wants nothing more than to join it. 'Time of death, death, Lisa is dead.' Dean starts crying, his shoulders shaking. Because even though he hadn't been in love with Lisa, he had still loved her.

"No, nonono, please you have to try something," Dean finally manages to plead the doctors, his voice breaking up.

"Are you Dean Winchester?"

Dean nods, feeling number by the second. It had to be a nightmare, he'd wake up any second now in that horribly uncomfortable hospital chair and Lisa would be holding their son.

But he looks up and it isn't a dream, Lisa isn't holding their son but rather the doctor is, a somber expression on his face.

"Lisa?" Dean felt compelled to ask, but he already knew the answer, he'd watched the life drain from her.

"I'm sorry."

"Sure, everyone's damn sure about the fact that they're sorry, they keep saying it to me, but it doesn't change a damn thing!" Dean's voice raises considerably by the end of the sentence. "I'm sorry doesn't BRING HER BACK." Dean squeezes his eyes shut to fight back the tears.

"Mr Winchester..."

"She didn't deserve this," Dean's voice quietened, almost sounding broken. "She didn't deserve me."

"You still have a son to think of."

Dean looks up through his tears, looking at the innocent baby boy sleeping in the doctor's arms.

"I can't, I'll just screw him up, he deserves better than a father like me."

"You never know, but all I know is that this little boy lost his mother before he even knew her, and I think he'd rather be with his father than a bunch of strangers."

"I can't..."Dean clenches his fists and rests them against his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.

"Dean?"

Dean looked up, the new voice didn't belong to the doctor, his brother or Gabriel. This voice was low and familiar. "C-Cas?"

Cas was standing there, looking awkward as he rubbed his arm, "I heard what happened, I'm so sorry Dean."

Dean didn't yell at Cas for using the two very words he hated hearing, but rather looked up at his friend with broken, tear-filled, green eyes. "Cas, I can't do it man, it's too much."

Cas just kneels beside the distraught man, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and holding him tight. "It'll be okay Dean, you have me, and Sam and all our other friends to help you through this."

Dean held onto his friend, crying into his trench coat covered shoulder, "I can't raise a kid Cas, I can barely look after myself."

"You'll be fine, Dean, this kid is better off with you than some random couple."

"Cas-"

"You can't leave this kid, you know you'll regret it later, you know you will."

Dean sniffs and pulls back to look into the bluer than blue eyes. "But what if I screw him up? I don't know the first thing about raising a kid."

"You once told me you practically brought Sam up, I'm sure you'll be fine, plus what would Lisa think if you let him go?"

Dean hesitated, looking up at his son.

"We'll help you through this, he is our nephew after all."

Dean finally found the power to stand, and cautiously took the sleeping baby from the surprised looking doctor.

"Oh god," Dean almost started crying again just looking at the small, fragile innocent. He had a small covering of fluffy, brown hair. "Ben..."

Cas was smiling sadly, standing close to Dean so he could see the baby. Dean was grateful for the comforting warmth coming from Cas's shoulder pressed against his, glad to feel less alone.

Then, his son Ben slowly opened his eyes and gazed up at Dean with sleepy, trusting eyes. He was so small and vulnerable, Dean couldn't find it in himself to say goodbye.

So instead he sunk into the horribly uncomfortable plastic chair and held his small son close as he cried.

~~

"Now, if you need anything or if Ben shows any sign of ill health, make sure you come back to us okay?" The doctor drilled Dean for the hundredth time as he filled out the release papers. Usually we like the baby to stay here longer than a day."

Dean nods dully, "we'll be fine." Then he looks to Cas, who had offered to help Dean out with Ben until Dean didn't feel so... broken. Sam was taking a month off school to help out too, having his assignments and notes sent via mail.

"Dean, I got you something," his little brother smiled hopefully at him, presenting a rather nice looking pram.

"Wow, Sammy-" Dean couldn't speak past the emotional lump in his throat, which happened a lot since Lisa.

Holding Ben carefully, Dean walked over to the thing and lowered his son into it. Licking his lips nervously, Dean took a deep breath before pushing he son out into the sunny parking lot, with Castiel and Sam flanking him as he stepped into the new branch of his life.

~~~~
A/N:

I'm baccckkk!! Here's a short chapter while I get all my fics back into order!

Peace out, Wayward readers 🌈😇🌈