In That Moment- A Chicago PD FanFiction

Chapter 13

Jay's P.O.V

Eleven. That's how many days have passed since Erin Lindsay came to my apartment and told me we can't do this, kissed me and then left.. Eleven days of nothing, silence. No contact from her at all. I've tried texting her and calling her but she doesn't answer. Maybe I should just accept that she doesn't want me anymore and move on, but I don't feel like I can move on until I know why this has happened. Surely she at least owes me some kind of explanation? I'd like to think she does, then again Erin's never really been one for explanations unless she feels like it. I guess there's a chance I'll never know why then. It's sad, my apartment just seems so empty now. Ruzek keeps telling me off for moping, trying to set me up with an endless stream of blind dates that I refuse to go on.

I sit there, tapping my fingers absentmindedly on my desk. It's been a bit of a slow week at work, much to my disappointment. I could do with some action right now, something to take my mind off her. My eyes wander over to her desk, it's the total opposite to mine. Organised and everything neatly in its place. Mine is covered in paperwork that I still need to finish- another reason I'm hoping for a case, then I won't have to finish this. The sound of the gate at the bottom of the stairs slamming jolts me back in to reality. Everyone else looks up from their desks. We've all been sat here waiting for Voight to arrive, and I'm really hoping he's bringing us a case.

What I wasn't prepared for, was for Erin Lindsay to walk up the stairs with him. She doesn't say anything, she just stands next to Voight at the top of the steps, looking around nervously. Her eyes meet mine for a second before she quickly looks away. Voight clears his throat, getting everyone's attention back. "Ok then, remember the dealer who was running his operation out of that warehouse?" Voight asks, looking around at all of us. Everyone's eyes automatically wander to Erin. No one is going to forget that night in a hurry, thats for sure. Her face remains totally neutral as she nods to Voight, but I can see it in her eyes. The memories of that night, resurfacing yet again. What a day for her to decide to come back. Voight also looks at Erin for a moment, and I can see him silently questioning her. "Well, we thought we'd got the ringleader- but as it turns out we were wrong. They've started up again somewhere, we're gonna have to work out where and go and stop him." His eyes wander to Erin again and I start to feel a bit sick at the thought of it. "Halstead and Antonio, go check this out." Voight says, passing a piece of paper to Antonio. "Olinsky and Ruzek, take this one. Me and Lindsay will take last one." He says, passing addresses around. My heart drops for a second, it was stupid of me to think the Erin would work with me. Of course she wasn't going to spend all day sat in the car with me, she's not even talking to me.

Erin's P.O.V.

I wait until the rest of the unit have gone before I turn to face Voight, glaring at him. "Seriously?" I hiss at him. He'd told me this morning they had a special case he wanted my help on and that it was time I came back to work. But this, seriously? I thought he'd meant a nice easy case, guaranteed to end well to ease me back in to it. Apparently he's trying to get me killed, or at least make me have a nervous breakdown. The second one seems quite likely right now. He looks at me for a moment, frowning. I'm surprised he can't hear my heart hammering in my chest right now. He looks at me and smiles slightly. "Seriously. You can do this." He says, pushing me gently towards the door. I walk along next to him, my hands pushed in to my pockets to hide the fact they're shaking.

We get in to Voight's car, and thankfully he drives. I don't think I could concentrate enough to drive anywhere right now, my mind is whizzing around at 100mph. I can do this, that's what I tell myself. I'm a good cop, I've been trained for situations like these. I'll be fine. I keep repeating it in my head, trying to make myself believe it. it's irrational, I know the guy who attacked me is dead. I watched him drop down on to the floor next to me, an imagine I'll never be able to erase from my mind. There's still the irrational part of my mind that fears it might happen again. Voight stops the car, tucked just out of sight and we both sit there for a moment. Then I realise what we're watching. An old abandoned warehouse. I very nearly lose my breakfast there and then. "Are you actually taking the piss?" I glare at Voight. This is getting ridiculous. "It's your job Erin, deal with it." He says simply, without even taking his eyes of the road. I sigh loudly. He's right, and he knows it. This is my job, the job I need to remind myself that I love. I can do this. At least he's not making me work with Halstead. Thank God for small mercies.

We sit there, watching and waiting. I really struggle to keep focused on the warehouse in front of me. My mind keeps wandering to Halstead's expression when I walked in this morning. It was a look I'd never seen on his face before. What I've done isn't fair on him, I know that. I was hoping he'd move on, find someone new. That he'd find someone who deserved him, who was good enough for him. But, Kim tells me that Ruzek's been trying to set him up with more or less every woman in Chicago to no avail. I need to talk to him, I know that. But I know if I stand there and look at him, if I explain why I can't be with him, I'll crumble. I just don't think I'm strong enough to do it. I'm afraid I'll let him convince me it can work, and that I'll end up getting my heart broken all over again. I'm still staring at the road in front of me when the radio crackles into life, making me jump back to reality. "We have the suspects in sight." Antonio says over the radio. Voight starts the car, driving off to meet them. My heart is in my mouth the whole way there, my pulse is racing. I'm not sure I can do this.