Unforgettable ~ A Jared Leto/MARS Fanfiction

18-Jared

When I awaken, it's well before sunrise. The only light in the room is the muted glow of distant city lights filtering in through the window next to the bed. The TV's black and silent. Jimmy must have come in sometime during the night and turned it off.

I'm more asleep than awake, but even in that semi-conscious state I can't fool myself into thinking that I'm in my own bed, that it's Lanie close beside me with her neck nestled in the crook of my shoulder, that it's her hand, covered with my own, resting on my chest directly over my heart. For one thing, the long hair draped over me is a different texture than Lanie's. I comb it away from my eyes and then turn my head to look down at Kristov's face so near to mine.

Even in the dim light of the room, I can clearly make out his features. His soft breath tickles my cheek and the rough texture of his neatly trimmed whiskers brush against my neck. I study the vision of him just inches away...the long lashes, the smooth skin and perfectly formed lips, begging to be touched, to be kissed awake.

I shift a little, but Kristov doesn't stir. As I come to full awareness I realize his head and his hand aren't the only parts of him pressed up against me; the entire length of his body is as well. Even our legs are intertwined. The queen-sized bed may as well be a twin for all the space we're taking up in it, but I wonder how and when I'd moved from on top of the comforter to join Kristov underneath both it and the sheet.

I turn again and gaze up through the dark at the ceiling for a few minutes, absorbing the sensation of Kristov's warmth and nearness. Memories of long-ago mornings flood my entire being...ghosts of gentle touches, slow awakenings, and sleepy-eyed smiles. I allow myself a few luxurious moments to drift along with it.

I really don't want to move, don't want to break this quiet, mesmerizing spell, but I know I have to. Especially before Lanie comes banging on Jimmy's door. I'm surprised she hasn't already, especially since she made it clear that she doesn't want Shelby anywhere near Kristov.

Maybe she's already come. Maybe she's collected Shelby and left without a word.

I dismiss that possibility as quickly as it enters my mind. No way would Jimmy allow that to happen without waking me. Besides, Shelby would most certainly put up a hell of a loud fight if Lanie were to try taking her by force. But still, I need to get up. I need to piss, and that gives me another compelling reason to untangle myself from Kristov and slip carefully from the bed. Away from his warmth I shiver with a sudden chill, despite being fully clothed. I walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind me before turning on the light. Then, wincing at the glare, I untie my track pants, sighing with relief as I empty my aching bladder.

Finished, I flush the toilet and wash my hands, catching a glimpse of my disheveled, squinty-eyed reflection in the mirror. Last night's confrontation with Lanie replays itself in my head minute by minute. God, what I wouldn't give to have a do-over, some way to erase it all, to unhear all those bitter, angry, hurtful words. They're clamoring in my head again, and I suspect they will for some time to come.

Sick...depraved...fucking faggot..."

You knew he was there...you left him there to die...

Jesus! How could I have been so deaf, blind, and fucking stupid?

My eyes burn and my throat closes up. I grip the edge of the sink, my fingers curling around the cold, smooth porcelain. Slowly and with a mighty effort, I gain control over my flailing emotions. Then I sigh deeply and shake my head. Shutting off the light, I leave the bathroom, grab my phone from the dresser and check the time. It's not even five yet. It's too early to call Shannon, but I need to. Later, at a decent hour when I know he's up, and after I've talked to Lanie—calmly, rationally, and hopefully we can reach some kind of mutual understanding. One that'll allow Shelby to stay with me.