I miss waking up with you in the morning sun. I miss looking at you, at your perfect brown strands and purple bangs in front of your dark brown eyes. I miss your voice, I miss your laugh. I miss your kisses, your touches and your hugs. I miss the way you used to hold me. I miss how you always reassured me everything was going to fine. I miss hearing your heart beat, when it used to melt together with mine. I miss the way you told me you loved me.
I knew this was going to happen, there was no way out.
But why did I let it happen?
It was because I couldn’t live without you. It was because I couldn’t miss all those perfect things about you. All those perfect things, all ruined by me. Everything is broken by me.
Am I really that weak? Am I really that weak that I stayed when you asked me to? I should have let you go, I should have let you be safe. You could have moved on, maybe be with someone else. But you asked me not to leave, told me you loved me, and said everything was going to be fine. I believed you, and stayed.
But none of this is okay. How could I have ever thought this would have worked out? How could I have ever thought this was going to be fine? I have never had control of the situation, I have never had control over my crimson eye.
“Stay with me, Minx.” I feel the wind blow through my hair, drying the tears on my cheeks.
Why did I commit to a relationship like this? You were too important to leave. You were too important to risk. Why didn’t you let me leave?
Why didn’t I walk away the day I met you? You would have been safe, you would have not been hurt so many times. You wouldn’t have been hurt because of the times I threatened to leave, because I loved you too much to risk your life on it. But you always talked me into staying. I could always count on you to be there for me. But was I really there for you? I ruined your life, did nothing but making a mess of it.
“Everything is going to be fine.” I spread my arms to feel the energy upon me, feel the wind slide alongside my body.
I can’t live without you, Minx. I can’t live every day thinking of that day. That day I killed the love of my life.
I can’t live without expressing my feelings for you through words, touches and embraces. I can’t live without your soft lips upon mine. I can’t live without seeing your beautiful smile I always loved to see. I can’t live without hearing your soothing and calm voice saying my name and making it sound so damn special. I can’t live without your laugh, which always made me laugh too. I can’t live without seeing your beautiful dark brown eyes which kept a mystery in them I always wanted to know, and which always laughed together with your smile. I can’t live without exploring you even though there is no more to explore. I can’t live without you next to me, no matter in what situation. I can’t live without your gentle advice which always helped, or your helpful decisions. I can’t live without the way you used to wake me up and make me a cup of coffee, my favourite one. I just can’t live without the smart, funny, beautiful and perfect woman I truly love.
I always thought we were going to be together forever, eternally. But now I know there is no forever. There is just now. There’s just this moment. And now I need to live every moment without you.
I feel like I’m constantly playing this game that I can never win. I can never win you back. Because you’re gone.
They say time will heal all wounds. But I don’t know how long it will take before this one will go away. I don’t want to live the rest of my life in pain, and I certainly don’t want to hurt anybody else.
This wound will leave a scar, right across my heart. A scar which will always be there.
“I love you, Minx.” Those are the last words I say before I jump, before I drop myself in the air.
I will soon be with you, Minx.
A/N: So uhmm… my first short story, let me know what you think. I could also do something with constructive criticism so let your opinion flow :p
