The first time of happiness to attack. But after what you've been through your sea is still black. My heart is filled with unanswered question and hopes and memories which seem so far away. I don't know actually how it happened, but I fell in love with the pain. I started to not feel home in my own skin and I loved it. Home was nothing, but nowhere. I needed to know what I wanted, I needed to know where to go, but my hopes and dreams were hiding in my mind and I was trying my hardest to find them, but years went by and I still didn't find them. I felt tragic and endlessly empty. But as I walked I felt more fragile and hopeless. My skin turned more pale than it already was and my hair became thin. I gave my flowers the water they needed, but after some days I felt an indescribable pain in my stomach. The poison inside murdered the flowers and I set my lungs on fire and everyday they are getting more black. The ache in my bones felt like a pain I deserved. Pain didn't hurt me anymore. You can scream, you can shoot, you can break my bones and murder my flowers, but I won't feel the pain and guilt you want me to feel. The crack in your voice screaming I needed to come back to your world didn't make me cry. I had my own world and the voices in my head were my best friends. With my knuckles I slammed against the wall waiting for the blood to flow out of my cold skin. I died a little bit inside, because I felt your traces on my skin. You tried to lick my wounds, but I scratched them open every night. You took my soul, so you never get my heart. As I waited for the waterfall at night, after a day which looked exactly like yesterday I felt anger bottled up inside which tried to escape the darkness, because after all my tears there was nothing left. As I prayed and blinked a thousand times there came noting. An awfully cold feeling showed up in my stomach and a pain I've never felt before in my heart. A pain which hurt so deeply, so very present you can almost hear it scream painfully. My heart was ripped out and thrown in the blue ocean, but I can swim and I don't mind how deep I need to drown, I will swim up and throw myself on the shore and with pride I put my heart back inside and take the seeds from the dying flowers to let them grow again. My knuckles may be blue, but my heart is red and my stomach's full of colors.
