;i m n o t t h e one..

I m a w a r e .

I know that I'm never the one. Sometimes I feel like I should just, stop. Stop loving you; them.. Every boy, everyone. Some tell me to stop altogether, and he told me to stop. But, to stop what? Everything? You didn't mean what you said that first night. Your sad. And silly. Your so much different on a call. So much.. nicer... but your so mean.. while everyone around has someone.. I have a something; you. But you tell me I'm nothing to you. That "it does mean anything to me," you say. I want to make you happy. But you won't open up. I can show you how to be happy.. I don't know, maybe I was wrong about you.. Maybe the way you show a girl affection is by, being mean.. being how you are. On a call.. you whisper "Grace.." and when I leave you come to me and tell me to come back.. because you missed me.. maybe the one you love.. (if you love anyone at all) because whoever she is, "she's a chocolate, So sweet.."
I should hate you.  I'm trying... I'm scared to let you go.. I hate how you make me laugh, and how you make me fall deeper in love with you.. knowing that I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy; you, and that you don't care. You don't care about me.. Even when I would die to see you be in love with me. But maybe im just a phase, maybe I'll stop loving you. Maybe you'll treat me better than you do now.. but if you think you'll love me tomorrow, why not today. Does it get easier? I look at your face anytime I go on my phone. And I smile to myself.. one time someone asked me, who is that. I said, "it's him." Of course, they looked at me weird. I accepted the fact you'll continue to be mean to me till I stop.. but I'll keep talking about you at my lunch table.. So when you read this, I know you'll laugh, or at least you'll say that.. but maybe this will touch you. I miss who I used to be.. before I turned.. "creepy.." but that's just because i love you.. you won't accept that fact I know, but try to.. and I'll continue to try to stop loving you,  like you told me too.. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry for falling in love with you. But I could probably forget a crush right.. it's up to you, but please.. open up to me.. before I give up on you, and I don't want to.. Happy birthday, baby. I know you told me not to say that.. but I want to make your birthday amazing.. but the only way I can do that, is if you let me.. and if I were the one for you; and I'm not. But if I had to tell you something I love, if would be you..