what if?

prologue

‘The stench of dead and decaying bodies around me make me heave as a  try the hardest I can to keep him alive just for one more minute just one more breath but it’s too late. His pulse has stopped and I throw my equipment down in defeat another one gone another one lost. Suddenly I hear battle cry’s just from outside the medical tent in a rush of adrenaline I tell the nurses to stay back and I burst forth from inside the tent bodies falling like flies. The Afghans shouting commands that I don’t understand, I cover my ears and bring my knees to my chest, a cowardly effort make myself as small as possible. This attempt didn’t go unnoticed as I felt a shadow pass over me gingerly I look up to a hefty man pointing a gun at my leg and said “فقط این یک بار” – “just this once” and he let it fly.’  I sit bolt up-right in my bed sweat pouring off me, my eyes wide and blood shot. The memories still hunting me from now and forever I can’t help but think about when I left the army how most of my friends are probably dead now how I could have saved so many people by now but I know in my heart that I’m too much of a coward to go back out there. I lay back and hit my head on the pillow in self-hatred not even deserving my own pity.