This is my attempt to let emotions out, most of this isn't real, some of it is. Please don't take it to heart. Thank you.
Part 1. Her- She was the one who made me smile when her name passed through my mind where she had stayed so often. She was beauty and divinity and so much more, we met years ago in the same class and from that point we befriended each other. Things were very smooth but in the same instance quite awkward, i was quite loud back then and she was silent. Over time our positions in the grand game of life have changed, i was once a rook seeing in only one direction at a time and she was a bishop flowing freely across the board. I now see that she has become a queen while i remain as a knight serving everything that i have in the ultimate goal of meeting her happiness. Im still not there yet but damn, am i trying.
Part 2. Soul- i'm tired mentally and physically. I think too much as i work too much as well. I work on assignments, art, but mainly i work on myself. Im as introverted and quiet as you can ever expect a soul to be and thats the way i enjoy my life, but she. She who is so full of life and happiness and smiles to be passed to other people, she is the refreshing splash of water on a boiling hot day. She works on art, and poetry (although no one is allowed to read it), she works on self betterment and betterment of others, she is the role model you read about and the superhero you see on tv. She has a wonderful soul.
Part 3. Mind- if you gave her a blank sheet of paper and sixty minutes she would bring you back a masterpiece, thats the power of her mind. She loves poetry and reading, she loves music of all kinds, she loves dogs and cares for all animals, shell laugh at jokes you tell no matter how bad they are. Shes the perfect friend, but sadly thats all we were... friends.
Part 4. Heart- there were many sleepless nights because not only would she race through my mind but she held a place in my heart. Over the years my heart has become hard, brittle, and cold. I built walls around it as to keep away anything that would break it, what i didn't know is that she had already been in my heart for some time and watched these walls be built. For the longest time i let no one in, until i felt more and more strongly for her that i realized she had been there the whole time. She became my heart.
Part 5. Error- After months of feeling this way for her i decided to let her know (almost) everything i felt about her, i felt as atlas with the weight of the world upon my shoulders and finally having the courage to lift it off. I went to sleep that cold night feeling lighter than air. I saw her the next day and everything went about as normal, nothing has changed between us but a small amount of information. Life carried on. I should have done better.
Part 6. Alone- I am leaving. She means the world to me. I cherish every small moment we have left together. She insists we'll stay contacted but I'm worried and scared. I don't want to lose her. I am alone now, like i have been so many times before. This feeling i used to enjoy, being myself, in my space, doing what i wanted now felt as though i was in a box with a locked door. She was the key.
"You think i am too quiet because
the world is so loud.
I think much more than you know and i think of you.
I know i'm not perfect, but in my eyes
You are.
I wish i could tell you how i feel
But i won't
Im too quiet."
3/23/18
Part 7. Moments- every small moment we spend together i try to hold on to for as long as i can. Its my final lifeline before i fall into the chasm of the unknown. I look into her eyes and feel hope, i often wonder if she sees anything out of me at all. I feel like the shell of who i once was.
Part 8. Goodbye- i cant bear to leave you. Since i met you i've been in love, times have changed and so have we. My only wish is that you loved me. So ill lay awake in this foreign place, missing you and your beautiful taste.
Goodbye love. Ill miss you.
