In That Moment- A Chicago PD FanFiction

Chapter 14

Erin's P.O.V.

It doesn't look like I'm getting any choice about doing this. Voight doesn't speak to me, he just drives quickly to the location, weaving in and out of the traffic. I close my eyes, trying to pull myself together. I feel sick, my heart is racing. I should have stayed home today. I'm definitely not listening to Voight ever again. I just need to get through this, put on a brave face and do my job, I can sit and cry at home later. We reach the rest of the unit all too soon for my liking. I was hoping the journey would take so much longer, I'm in desperate need of some time to psych myself up for this. It's odd, I used to love doing this- I used to live for the buzz of catching people like the ones we're after now. But all I can think of now is the paralysing fear I felt lying on the floor in the warehouse, and the fear I feel now that it could happen again.

It takes me a few moments to realise that Voight's got out of the car, and he's looking at me expectantly. I slowly step out of the car, my knees feel weak with the adrenaline that's coursing around my body. I push my hands deep in to my pockets, no one needs to know how shaky they are. We join the rest of the unit, stood behind a building so we're just out of sight. I look around at their faces quickly. They all look so focused, so ready for this. I shouldn't be here. I'm not ready for this. My eyes settle on Halstead, my cheeks flushing as I meet his eyes. He's looking straight at me, and I can see the concern on his face. I tear my eyes away from his, looking at Voight who's discussing some form of plan with Antonio.

After a few moments they've decided on a course of action. My heart is in my mouth as I strap on my vest, the vest I haven't worn since that night. I'm surprised no one can hear my heart hammering in my chest. I'm amazed I'm still standing, my knees feel as though they're about to give way. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "Ok, Olinsky, Ruzek and Antonio- Take the front. Me, Lindsay and Halstead will take the back. No one splits up under any circumstances- and I mean any circumstances." Voight says, looking around at us all. In any other situation I would have laughed, Voight seemed as though he was trying to tip me over the edge. But truth be told I'm actually pretty glad, there's no two people I'd rather have by my side for this- not that I'll ever actually admit that to them.

We move around the back of the warehouse and I try desperately to surpress the memories of that night. I can't help but think back to how calm and relaxed me and Jay had been, as though we were invincible, like there was no way it could possibly go wrong. I guess I had sort of felt invincible until that point, that's the problem when you do this for a living. I definitely don't feel invincible anymore. The scars that cover my body are evidence of that. As we walk around to the back door, Voight whispers something to Halstead that I don't quite catch- it's about me no doubt. I don't mind too much, I know they've both got my back. I know that they care. Correction. I know that Voight cares. Halstead probably hates me right now, and I deserve it. We stop at the back door, looking at each other. We all raise our guns and wait for the signal. I try desperately to steady my shaking hands. I need to concentrate on this right now, I can deal with all the stuff in my head later. I need to focus or I'm going to be the reason someone doesn't come out of here alive.

I hear the signal over the radio and it's as though my body goes into auto pilot, thankfully. Voight breaks down the door easily, and I follow him and Halstead inside quickly. It's dimly lit inside and I can feel the water on the floor seeping in to my shoes. I squint slightly as my eyes adjust to the poor lighting. We move silently down the corridor, constantly checking over our shoulders. Now I'm in here doing it, it's easy not to think about it. It almost comes as second nature to me now. Maybe I can do this. We move further down the corridor clearing the offices and storage areas that come off it. The second one that we go in to isn't empty though. Don't think about it, just don't think about it. I tell myself. I'm much better when I don't think, when I just let my training take over. I bring my gun up, aiming it at one of the two suspects in front of me as I yell at him to drop his weapon. Thankfully he does, because I'm not sure if I could've held it together if not. I get the handcuffs on him quickly, kicking his discarded gun away from him. Halstead gets handcuffs on the other one to after a few moments wrestling him and I let out a quiet sigh of relief.