I feel the remorse
And
I see the darkness
I did not listen to the Teacher’s speech, he talks about one of the chapters in the textbook. I just want to get away from this cursed class, come on! Imagine, every day you have to sit from morning to noon even until late afternoon, and listening to the Teacher who is totally useless - at least for me. But, for some people - who understand what is described, they will be happy to listen. Do not ask me because I’m a student who does not understand. That's why I prefer to listen Linking Park from the I-Pod in my pocket. Go hell with the person in front.
"Time is over. It is time to go home. "
Oh ... the voice from the heaven, I call it because it’s the sign to go home, finally came out. But unfortunately, instead of closing his teaching lessons he was just pretend to be deaf. Oh shit!
"Naj, are we clubbing tonight?" Suddenly my friend surprised me with his whisper.
"I'm not feeling well. Maybe tomorrow.” I saw his disappointed face when I canceled the clubbing appointment together. Yeah ... I'm a little unwell, since a few days ago, maybe because of the effects of staying too often for clubbing at night clubs around Jakarta, so my body often felt nauseous and dizzy.
"In Colosseum Jakarta Night Club there is a big event tonight."
Fuck! I've been waiting for the event since a few months ago. But, the most important thing I want to get out of this class and go to bed.
"Seriously? I promise next day we will be clubbing until morning. But now I cannot, my head is very dizzy."
"Ok, you have to keep your promise, or I will be mad."
After the old man - my Teacher, came out of class, then I walked to the parking lot where my car was.
Nightlife, cigarettes, and alcoholic drinks are already familiar to me. Do not think if I was an innocent child. And do not blame me, it's my life and I choose to be free.
Drtttt ... Drttt ... Drttt ...
I unlock the cell phone lockscreen that vibrates in my pocket and sees a pop-up message on the screen.
"Honey, I'm sorry, last night our plans failed because of a phone call from my friend."
I do not fucking care with you Idiot! up to you. This is not the first time he did not keep his promise, I'm his girlfriend, but he would rather hang out with his friend than with me. I accidentally saw the date on my phone and whispered.
"Shit." It’s 20th and I'm not yet menstruating. Then I got into my car and opened the google app and typed in the search engines signs of pregnant. I open up all the web addresses, read them carefully and find that all the signs are the same as what I've been through.
I bite my lower lip and tried to think what would happen if I was pregnant. What should I do now? Oke, I just want to think positively, keep calm and stay cool maybe this is just a coincidence. I drive my car to the nearest pharmacy.
"Good noon Miss. What would you buy?" The pharmacist greeted me kindly.
"I want to buy a testpack. I mean my mom told me to buy a testpack."
After I revised my pharmacist's sentence that initially saw me with a startled face then smiled. Imagine a girl still wearing a high school senior uniform buy a testpack.
"What brand product would you like to buy?"
"I want to buy all brands."
"Okay, wait."
A few minutes later, the pharmacist gave me some testpack and I paid for it using the credit card from my father. I leave the pharmacy and went home.
At home
I read how to use the testpack and try it in the bathroom. I waited for the result with my eyes closed and prayed that I was not pregnant. Ten minutes later I see the results and what a surprise, there are two lines in every testpack indicate that I'm pregnant.
What should I do? What will happen to me and what will my parents do to me when they come home from abroad and know I'm pregnant? I did free sex since two years ago, but my boyfriend always uses condom. Why do I get pregnant? Oh God ... why did you do this to me? I do not know what to do.
After that, I tried to send a message to my boyfriend to come to my house right now. While waiting for Robby—my Boyfriend to arrive, I take a shower and have lunch. Not long afterwards, Robby come into my room. Do not be surprised, Robby always comes into my room because he always comes to my house.
"I am pregnant." Her face suddenly pale after I say that.
"Wh ... what the hell are you talking about? Ow shit ... are you fucking kidding me? How can? I always use condom when we have sex, Naj. "
"I do not know. I checked it out with testpack and it all shows positive." There is no Robby’s respond when I say that.
I do not dare look at Robby, he looks angry looking at me, we do it both, but why should I be blamed?
"What should we do now?"
"I do not know."
"How about abortion?” I was surprised when he suggests for an abortion.
"I'm afraid, Rob."
"Abortion is our last choise. We are still senior high school Naj. It does not make any sense if we have to get married because of your pregnancy. And if our parents know, they will kill us for making them embarrassed.”
After hearing Robby, I agree with what he said. We are still students and it is impossible if he has to take responsibility. I'm also afraid of having to get pregnant and give birth now.
"Okay, I want an abortion."
"Thanks. I'll find information about abortion and where we can do it." I did not respond after he said that.
There is no sound between us. I was busy with my daydream and he was busy calling to ask his friend. Then remember if we can do it all on the internet. And I'm looking for information about abortion. I found a link that is willing to have an abortion quickly and safely. The requirement to be done is just signing a letter of agreement what will happen with the patient is not the responsibility of the Doctor, and the payment is paid with cash.
I told him the web address I found to Robby, and he agreed to have an abortion there. We make an appointment and fill in the requirment data on the web and agree to do it next week.
Next week
Fuck you Robby, he promised me to accompany me here but yesterday he could not be found and when I came to his house, the door was always closed.
After making sure the address was the same as it was written on the web, I immediately entered the white-painted house. I opened the door and smelled like the hospital-the smell of medicines.
"Najmi Asmiranda?" I was surprised when a woman came out from one of the room and called my name.
"Yes I'm."
"Before we have an abortion, can you sign here?" The doctor gave me an agreement paper stating that she was not responsible for what happened when the abortion is running.
I signed on the paper and entered the door pointed by her.
"I will not say anything when you decide to have an abortion, because you already know what you're doing and the effect." I shed tears when I heard the doctor’s say.
I lay down on the bed and the doctor pulled out the pants I was wearing. The abortion process has started. I thought about what the doctor said. I should not have done this crazy thing. But if I do not do what happens? Defend the pregnancy is also impossible. I'm a stupid teenager. If it was going to be this sick I would not agree with Robby's suggestion. I'm sorry. For the sake of god, it is very sick, Dad, forgive me, Mom, forgive me, Baby, forgive Mommy please!. I can no longer feel pain. I think someone threw rocks into my stomach. God, please ... please forgive me. I could not bear the pain anymore, suddenly I just felt the darkness picked me up.
The end
