Untold Secrets

chapter two

I sat in the park on a swing all the way in the back. It was below a hill so no one even knew it was there. I took off my phone case pulling out my emergency blade, and held it in my hand. It danced across my fingers. I watched for what seemed like hours trying to decide if I should cut or not as tears streamed down my face . I heard Finn's voice in my head. Then Luke's. Then Ashton's. Then my friends. I heard everything. I couldn't take it. 

"Don't do that /" I heard a voice say. I looked up to find Ashton. 

"How did you find me here?" I asked in a shaky voice. 

"One time when you were eight I came over and Luke was coming home from football so it was just you and me. You showed me this place. You said everytime your mum and dad fought you would come here." He said. He sat down on the swing next to me. "You said you'd come here to cry and it was because you knew your dad was dying and they were fighting because your mum didn't want to tell you and Luke and you're dad did. But you knew. You never told me how you knew. And when you told me I thought you were so smart. I knew there was something special about you." The blade danced across my fingers. 

"I knew because one day dad came home and I asked how his day was. He started crying and saying sorry. He made me promise to never say anything about it. Then I saw a hospital bill. I knew it then. I put it all together. The fights, the crying, the bill. It all made sense then." I explained. Tears fell down my face. 

"Is that when you started?" Ashton asked. 

"Yeah. I thought it was my fault. And I started punishing myself for it. I started cutting when he died. I was only eleven. It got so addicting. Luke saw them once. But he didn't do anything. He was young. He didn't understand. He probably forgot by now." I tell Ashton. 

"I'm sorry I should've stopped Finn." Ashton whispered. I shivered. 

"It's not your fault Ash. Please don't blame yourself."

"Give me the blade." He said.  I sighed handing it to him. Why was I telling him all of this? Why was I opening up to him when it was so hard for me to open up to anyone else? I watched the blade dance across his fingers. It was silent. I knew he had a secret too. It took me years of practice to get that blade to do that. "It's mezmorizing to watch isn't it?" He said. I didn't say anything. "I was sixteen." Ashton said. 

"Why?" 

"That's the worst part. I don't know." 

"Not everyone has a reason. Depression can hit anyone." 

"I'm sor..." 

"It's not your faul..." 

"No. Not about Finn. I saw your cuts Lex. It was before I started. I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry I neer said anything. I should have. I'm so so sorry Lex." 

"It's ok Ash." 

"Promise you'll stop?" Ashton asked. 

"I'll stop if you stop." 

"Ok."