I watch in shock as Peeta falls to the ground, bloody and mangled. I do not know what to feel, I am frozen, every breath knocked out of me.
I just stand there in silence.
Should I feel sorry, even though I knew this moment had to come for me to win? Sorry because that the kisses in the cave meant nothing to me, that I had lied to be crowned Victor?
He croaks out my name. "Katniss," Silent tears flow down his cheeks. "Please." He reaches his hands out to touch me, then sinks into the mud.
It's what breaks me, makes me realize that I don't deserve him. I should at least be at his side, here, at the end of the games. Where he took his life being caught by a mutt, slowly dying.
I reach down, out of pity or love the audience might decide, and kneel by him. His lips are moving, rasping out a sound.
"I-" I move my hand to silence him, but he chokes again.
"Did- did you love me?" he asks as his eyes seem to distance out.
I think about it. I had convinced myself I was doing it for Prim's sake, for my own. But I remember how I didn't want him to die, how I wanted to sacrifice myself for him. He had been my other half, someone I had grown to love.
So I tell him yes.
He sighs, and I shut his eyelids and press my lips to his temple and let them linger there.
"Goodbye," I whisper, and look up to the sky, with my three fingers pressed in a salute.
The hovercraft is nearing now, and I know something.
Its time to get out.
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After the games, life eventually settles down. I get used to Peeta's death, all though once in a while it all comes at me, and I am overwhelmed with grief. Prim and my mother settle into a lifestyle, though now rich, I don't need to hunt
It was a particulary fair day when I get the phone call.
I frown as I hear it across the house and run over to get it.
I then pick it up on the first ring. I usually don't get many calls from the Capitol.
"Hello," a voice says on the other line and my mouth quirks into a scowl. It is President Snow.
" What do you want?" I snap out, annoyed. But it covers up something- fear. What does he want from me? After the Games, victors are usually left alone. What's going to happen now?
" I am calling to see if you are interested in a- pleasant offer for a good time- a paying job in the Capitol"
My stomach tightens when he says 'good time'. I have a image in my head, in the Capitol curled up against a desperate citizen. Another flashes against my mind, of Darius paying the ladies in our district for a 'good time', as they huddle up their belongings in line for payment.
"No, I am good, thank you." I fight to keep my voice steady. I can imagine the curl of his lips as he talks back.
" Dear, dear Miss Everdeen. I'm really afraid you don't have much of a choice. I can give you a day to mull over the offer, but well-" he pauses " You really don't want anything to happen to your sister, do you.?
I slam the phone on the hook and lean back on the wall.
The games are not over.
And I know that for sure.
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I cannot face Prim at dinner. Her life is in my hands.
Either Snow sells my body to the numerous lovers in the capitol, or Prim dies. Its that simple.
I now have sympathy for Finnick Odair, the famous lover in the Capitol. I realize now what he has been through, the choice to save your loved one or go through the torture. I wonder what he risked to take up Snow's offer. Yet it doesn't matter, because this is me now.
I have to make the choice I did at the reaping. I did it for Prim, and I have to do it now.
So after dinner, I reach over to the phone, and dial his number before I can back out of it.
" Hello, Miss Everdeen?" I shakily take a breath.
"I- I'm going to take up on your offer."
"Wonderful, simply wonderful. We will see you tomorrow."
I slide across the wall, empty. I will be dreading tomorrow.
