𝘱𝘴, 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 (𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥)

chapter thirty seven

Harry

"I just feel really bad about lying to him."

"Maybe it's not as bad as you make it sound."

Again, I was here with Zayn. I had needed someone to talk to and I didn't really want to talk to any of the other guys. It sounds mean, but I couldn't help but feel to the need to talk to Zayn. After the argument with Liam, I had to get some things off my mind and I needed to talk to someone outside of that circle. Having been talking to Zayn for a couple of weeks now, it was starting to become just like a regular routine. We met up just about everyday, discreetly of course and we talked about anything but nothing in particular.

Our talks got longer and I felt so much less tense around him now. It was beginning to feel normal again, like how it was before any of all that bad stuff happened. It was easier to talk to him and just open up about how I was feeling or what I was thinking and he was the same with me. If I am honest with myself, I was starting to kinda like this little arrangement. It had become one of my favorite parts of the day, aside from helping the community. As weird as it may be, I couldn't help but feel a little content whenever he came around. I don't exactly know how Zayn was feeling, but I had hoped he felt some what the same and hadn't started to grow tired of me.

I don't know, I just felt like I needed someone. Someone who understood me, and Zayn just so happened to be that someone. He understood what the others could not, and in a way we were the same. We'd both lost something, maybe Zayn a little more but it doesn't change the fact that we had that in common and so much more. He and I had history that ran deeper than anything. A connection nobody else could understand and despite the situation we're in, it was still there.

"Yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm hiding things from them." I sigh softly, as the warm wind shifts causing my hair to blow slightly over my shoulder. Zayn stays quiet for a few moments and when he doesn't answer, I turn my head to look at him. He has this serious pondering look on his face and his eyes are slightly narrowed as he looks over the city at nothing in particular. I tilt my head wondering what was going on in his mind, what he was thinking about. After a long pause, he finally speaks, continuing to look in one direction.

"Everyone has secrets Harry. Maybe he's hiding something too." Zayn says, turning to look at me and capturing my eyes with his own. He has this knowing look in his eyes as if he was trying to convey something to me, like there was more meaning behind his words. My mouth pops open slightly as we stare at one another. I wanted to asked him what he meant, but before I could, he spoke up again as if he sensed that I was gonna say something. He shakes his head and looks away, "You shouldn't feel bad. That's all I'm saying."

I look down at my dangling legs, shrugging. "I guess." Though I still couldn't help but to feel bad. Liam was obviously upset because of me, and I didn't want to just brush it off or ignore it. I wanted him to be happy, I didn't want to be the one to drag anyone down. That wasn't my intention at all, I just couldn't control the way I acted when I was going through something or dealing with a situation. It's hard for me to act normal, but I guess that's something Liam couldn't understand. I sigh again, clasping my hands together as I push that issue to the back of my mind. I look at Zayn again, swallowing. "Anything going on with you? You seem pretty relaxed, but I can feel there's something else." I blurt out, suddenly becoming a little more confident in my talking.

"You've always been very observant Harry." Zayn says, smiling. I start to smile as well, before biting my lip and looking down, mumbling out a tiny 'yeah'. "Aside from steering clear of my uncle, I've just been trying to find myself." He shrugs, fiddling with the rip on his dark jeans. "It's been hard on my own now without someone telling me what to do or altering my thoughts. It feels kind of like withdrawal, I still get chills and tremors from time to time. I'm still recovering mentally." He explains to me. I nod slowly, feeling nothing but sympathy towards him. He has been through a lot and I never realize how much it has actually effected him until he starts to talk about it. It makes me feel even worse inside and I want nothing more but to be here for him like I hadn't been before.

"I'm sorry." I murmur softly. Zayn shakes his head and reaches out, placing his hand over mine causing a chill to run up my arm and even as a warmth fills me, I can still feel the goose bumps forming.

"Don't apologize to me, H." He tells me. I bite my lip for what felt like the hundredth time since we'd been here.

"I- I just want to help you.." I whisper. His fingers slowly start to curl around my hand until eventually my hand is situated into his. I watch our hands as Zayn gently tightens his hold, feeling my heart race.

"You are helping more than you know just by being here with me." He says softly, smiling lightly. I avert my eyes back up to his seeing the appreciation and sincerity there, with a mixture among plenty of other emotions that I wasn't able to catch. A smile tugs at my lips as my hand starts to grip his hand back. I nod slightly.

"Okay." I reply, heart racing too fast to muster up any other words. We stay like this just gazing at one another like we were in a hypnotic trance, barely hearing the wind and the ambience of the city below us. I felt like I was floating, my mind zoning out into another world, falling deeper and deeper the longer we stayed like this. Everything started to become a haze as we appeared to be drifting closer towards one another. It was like a blur and before I knew it, I could feel his breath against my face.

Our foreheads bump together.

Zayn grips my chin.

Instead of closing the space between us, Zayn whispers to me, "Let's not get too carried away." At those words, my cheeks go up in flames as a hot blush covers them and I quickly pull away, covering up my cheeks with my hands. Zayn chuckles lightly, eyeing me which didn't help the situation any better. My heart was still pounding and my head was going in circles at what almost took place seconds ago. Zayn and I had almost kissed. We were so close to making that happen, I couldn't believe it. Just a few minutes ago I had been complaining about my relationship issue with Liam and then I end up seconds away from kissing Zayn.

And what made me feel worse about is that, I hadn't felt shame for it.

Was that wrong?

"We should um- we should maybe go.." I trail off quietly, not being able to look at him directly. I didn't mean to come off as rude, I was just a little shocked and confused, I didn't know what to do or what to say. I didn't even know what to think of it. What did that even mean?

"Harry, I'm sorry." Zayn says, "Don't be upset."

I shake my head, forcing my self to turn in his direction, my eyes softening. "I-I'm not upset."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I tell him truthfully. Zayn nods and unexpectedly, he reaches up and runs a hand through my hair pushing some behind my ear, as his hand brushes slightly against my cheek.

"Good, because I don't want anything to be weird between us." He admits. I nod, biting the inside of my cheek.

"M-me neither." I stutter out nervously. Zayn grins briefly before he begins to stand to his feet. I quickly follow his actions in doing the same. I stand up so fast that my foot accidentally slides off the ledge and I nearly start falling off the building. That is until Zayn quickly catches me, yanking me back up. I fly into his body as his hands grips my hips firmly. Looking up at him, I blush in embarrassment. Being the trained hero I was, it was so silly of me to be clumsy like this.

"Careful." He says softly, but sternness held in his voice as well. I slowly nod my head as if it were a natural instinct. Zayn let's go and steps down from the ledge, before helping me down as well.

"Thank you." I mumble. Zayn smiles with a nod.

"I'll see you soon H, yeah?"

I nod, "Very soon."

What was happening?

~