The Beep- Nouis One-Shot

As the room grew lighter with the morning sun, my eyes stayed glued to the ceiling. No tears came anymore, I'd cried all my body could produce. By the time the light was a smoldering fire coming through my open blinds, I knew he'd come soon. 

 At the beginning, Liam never left my side. Harry didn't care that I was battered and broken, and Zayn had watched silently from the doorway as Daddy Direction would try to fix me. But there was only one who could.   

He only came in here once a day- at 3pm. I don't know why he chose that time, but that was the only time I saw him anymore. And if I happened to be sleeping, he wouldn't wake me up or come back another time. I couldn't blame him though, could I? I wouldn't want to see the oldest member of our band torn to pieces and immobile.   

Nothing was physically wrong that made it so I couldn't move, but I could feel my heart weigh me down. It felt 6kilos heavier than usual, and was suffocating me as I lay in bed and could only think about what had happened.   

***  

"Hey Louis, can you come over? I really have to talk to you." Little did she know that with the ring carefully tucked in my pocket, I was already on my way. But her tone worried me- she couldn't leave me, I wouldn't let that happen! No!  

I jumped out of my car and was quickly knocking on the door of her flat. I knew something was really wrong when she opened the door and light tears were running down her face.   

"El, baby, what's wrong?" I was genuinely worried- I hated to see her cry.   

"Lou I-I-" she stuttered and broke into sobs. I rubbed small circles on her back and even in this moment, while she was in my lap withering to a tear-shedding mess, I couldn't help but admire her beauty. She really was the most beautiful I'd ever seen and I was so lucky to have her. I decided I'd give her my surprise to try and calm her down. I slid her off my lap, a whimper escaping her lips. I got on the ground in front of the couch, and I think it took a minute for her to register what was going on. She looked at me with wide eyes as I pulled the ring out of my pants pocket and held it in front of her.   

"Eleanor, my Ellie, I love you so much. I can't imagine life without you by my side as I grow old. You've made me a better friend, lover, person. You are my everything, Ellie. Please marry me?" She just stared. Her head tilted slightly to the side and she had a look of, sympathy? Her beautiful mouth opened and my stomach turned inside out as I waited for the answer I needed.   

"Louis, I have cancer."  

***  

The tears didn't come. I would just stare at the walls and wait for one of the lads to come in and try to feed me. I couldn't get up on my own. Liam would carry me to the bathroom and sit me on the toilet himself once a day, and I felt terrible that he had to do that- I wasn't some elderly that couldn't walk. But I might as well have been, huh?   

I glanced at the clock- 2:58. He'd be here in two minutes exactly. He was very punctual. But another two minutes was time enough for my mind to wander back.   

***  

The faint beeping from the monitor was killing me. It drove me insane. But I think the real insanity was that it was still going- teasing, if you will. It was dangling her in front of my face as if saying, "You know she's gonna leave. But when? Huh, Louis? When? Now? Maybe. Five minutes? Possibly. But you don't know when. You just have to wait." She was so small in that bed. Her curls were gone and she wore one of my beanies on her head at all times. One month. One month was all it took for her to end up here. She wore my ring on her finger, but it kept sliding off the skinny bone whenever she moved.   

I held her hands- so cold, so fragile.   

"Lou." she whispered. It was the first time she'd spoken in days. Her voice was hoarse and cracked. But she talked! She could hardly move her mouth before! Maybe she was getting better!   

"Yes baby?" I leaned forward so she didn't have to try as hard to make me hear her.   

"You know he loves you? Tell him, love. Move on. Be happy. Maybe one day he can wear this." She slipped the ring in my hand. What was she talking about? She couldn't have known. Could she?   

Before I met El, I was completely head over heels in love with him. When Eleanor came, that flame inside me that burned for him, seemed to split in two. Sure I still loved him, I always would. But I loved El like no one before. She was my life.   

I didn't know what to say and she chuckled, seemingly amused. But, she gave me the ring? Did that mean-  

"One more thing babe, I do really want to marry you."   

That dreaded beeping. It betrayed me in the end didn't it? Her hands went limp in mine and the beep became continuous.   

***  

I felt my head pound and swell as if the tears wanted to come, but were trapped inside. It wasn't fair to take my flame like that. It's not like they combined again for him, hers completely burnt out.   

With each passing day I think of what she told me to do. And every day at 3 pm I say that I will and I don't. But I'm going to today. Even if it ruins everything, I need him to know how I feel before that beep returns and he's gone too.   

My door clicked open, and he somberly walked in. He sat on the edge of my bed, and looked at the ground. I never talked, but he told me about what was going on with the lads and how his day was going. I know what he thought. I know he thought I was being selfish by becoming this shell. I saw it hurting him, his eyes weren't that bright blue anymore, his skin pale and faded. But he was still beautiful. I needed him to know.   

I sat up, and swung my legs over the edge of the bed next to him- he looked at me shocked. I could have sworn I saw his eyes brighten a bit. 

"Lou?" he asked, as if to make sure I was still responsive and not a zombie.   

I smirked a bit. "No it's Zayn." My voice was raspy from not speaking for three weeks.   

He smiled the biggest smile I'd ever seen and threw his arms around me in a warm, tight embrace. I squeezed him back before letting go and looking in his eyes. He looked back in mine and I could see the happiness that I was talking and moving burning behind his pupils.   

"We have to talk, Ni." Ugh I couldn't help but think of when she said that, and my resolve wavered a bit. But when Niall shook his head eagerly with a smile still on his face, I knew it was the right thing to do. I pulled El's ring off my pinky that I've been wearing since she- died. *cringe* I held it in my palm and he and I both looked down at it, waiting for me to say something.   

"She gave this back to me, right before the beep." We all knew that the beep was a sensitive subject- the boys had never heard what actually happened before it. "She said, 'You know he loves you? Tell him, love. Move on. Be happy. Maybe one day he can wear this.'" I could see him turn to look at me in confusion, but I kept my eyes on the ring as I continued. "There was always this flame in me, Nialler. I was completely in love. And then El came along. She didn't smother that flame, but created a new one. I had two small fires raging inside my heart. When the beep came, hers seemed to go out. Of course I'm still madly in love with her, and I think I always will be. But I can't have her anymore, and I need to focus on the other, she told me to. I love you Niall, and I wanted to let you know before it's too late." I still stared at the ring, waiting for a reaction. The bed shifted and I sighed, thinking he was getting up to leave. But he repositioned himself so he was laying on my pillow, and he pulled me in position to cuddle next to him. We laid in silence, and I didn't mind that he didn't answer me- his actions spoke to me. He loved me too. I knew he'd say it when he was ready, but for right now, being in his arms told me enough.   

I hoped she was proud of me. I hoped she knew he could never replace her. But I hoped she knew that he was good- he was going to fix me.