project maggie - shawn mendes

nine

today's song

make me (cry) - noah cyrus

▿

maggie lindemann

after introducing cassi to the others, i was quick to realize shawn left without saying a word after cassi's appearance.

i quickly excused myself from the group, growing a bit confused as to why shawn would leave so abruptly.

luckily, my search for the curly haired boy was cut short, due to me finding him in his room.

"do you ever knock?" he says, without removing his face from the view outside.

"well this is my house so technically i can barge in if i want to, but you're totally right, i'm sorry." i gave him a sad smile.

he nods, gaze never leaving the forest before him. he leans forward, arms resting on the balcony rail.

now that's a man.

"why'd you leave?" i asked, walking towards the balcony where he was.

"i just came up to think." he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "i had so much going on in my head and meeting cassi has nothing to do with it, but i just needed some space."

i nod, turning my body the other direction, leaning my back against the rail. "i've been meaning to talk to you for quite a while now, but i never get the chance to do so."

he moves his head towards my direction for a moment, but he doesn't meet my eyes. "well, we're here now. what is it?"

"im sorry about what i said the night i came back. i called you a lost puppy and i–i don't know, i just–i'm sorry." i crossed my arms over my chest and looked down.

he chuckled, turning his body around, mimicking my actions. "it's ok, mags. you said it yourself, you didn't want to be found, i should've respected that."

i sigh, knowing that i need to tell him. i need to tell him i was hurting all on my own, fighting the urge to call him and have him hold me in his arms. i need to tell him i was wanting him more than he was wanting me. i need to tell him that my love for him isn't gone.

"i'm sorry for leaving after what happened. i should've stayed and we could've fought through it together, but i was selfish and left you." my eyes were still stuck to the floor, i didn't dare to meet his gaze knowing that if i did i would cave in and tell him everything.

"i was hurt and so were you, and by leaving i just hurt you even more." i sighed, disappointed in my own actions.

"you're right, you did hurt me. and i was heartbroken when you left. but i was more confused because i never got divorce papers." he kept his gaze on me, but i didn't look at him. i couldn't look at him.

"who said i wanted a divorce?" i asked, finally meeting his burning gaze.

his eyebrows furrowed. "well it seems like you do. you go by you're maiden name, we're not together, we've been living in the same house for the past three months and the closest thing we've done is hook our arms together for that gala we went to." he turned his body towards me. "are you sure you don't want a divorce? because i'll do it if that's what you want." his voice cracked and i could see the tears forming in his eyes.