Hikayelerimiz (Our Stories)

Unbearable Pain

A scene that could have potentially happened in epsiode 31 when Baris leaves Filliz for the night. I wrote this very fast so I know there are a few mistakes, Ill try and get to them when i get the time. Untill then Enjoy!

He couldn't stand it any longer when he hugged her at the door. He couldn't look into those beautiful green eyes and see the underlying dread and fear. He needed her. He needed her to be at ease. He needed her with him. But above all, he needed to solve this problem he had created. He had to solve it. For her sake.

His conscious had been reprimanding him since morning; he had a sinking feeling in his chest. He couldn't face anyone of the kids. He felt helpless. He had never felt that. He always had a solution whether for his problems or for Filliz's, it was always there. But now; penniless amd at the hands of his merciless, cruel father, he knew there wasn't much he could do. But he needed to find a solution someway, somehow, he had to fix this. But beaten, confused and momentarily lost he needed to apologize to Filliz. He had to reassure her, so he hugged her, unknowingly needing her arms around him to give him strength. He felt her hand reach up to his hair as he engulfed her scent. He wanted it all over so he could be with her, have all of her to him.

He walked to his home like a dead man. Anger, confusion, frustration, tension all coursing through his mind. His mind unable to expel the insulting words his father had used for Filliz further encouraging his anger.

He felt as he did on his brother's funeral. Helpless, weak broken. Maybe it was stepping into the empty and lonely living room that triggered it but he lost it. Enraged; he let out a scream throwing everything in his way. Destroying it. The anger bottled within him for years, at the unfairness of his brother's death, his father's shit behavior, it needed an outlet. And so Baris's house suffered at his hands. The anger he couldn't take out on his father came down on his house. Cushions thrown, table turned, body sagged and a teared face. He sat against the couch being unable to control his emotions. His tears flowing continuously; unstoppable. He was defeated. At that moment everything seemed impossible. It was too much money to pay and no honest means could acquire him the sum. He had his eyes closed, a new wave of tears staining his face, when he heard her voice;

"Bariş?" he didn't open his eyes to see her. He couldn't. He knew it was her. He'd recognize her anywhere.

"Bitti Filliz. Herşey bitti. Artık dayanamıyorum. Bitti." (It's over Filliz. Everything is over. I can't stand it anymore.) he chased his eyes opening to see her. Filliz had her hand on his cheek as she wiped away his tears. She couldn't stand seeing the helpless look in his eyes. The always determined eyes now empty and helpless; finished.

"Tamam Bariş tamam. Ağlama tamam. Ne olur-" she was pleading him one hand on his cheek the other in his hair, trying to calm him; to soothe him, but he cut her off.

"This is what he did to him too. Leaving him to fend for himself. He payed for his mistakes... I can't, I won't have you pay for mine. onu çok özlüyorum Filliz ama (I miss him a lot Filliz, but) I don't have anyone, who would listen?" he stopped unable to continue. Filliz knew by him he meant his brother. She didn't know when her eyes had begun to glisten as well. She kept caressing his cheek knowing Bariş won't stop just yet. She had never seen him like this; crying, crying properly in grief.

"Who has a father like this ya? How can a father let children get destitute? Ah I almost forgot, he isn't a father or my brother would still be here. He's merciless and cruel Filliz...... that Bastard!" he exclaimed throwing a cushion against the wall with his feet.

"Tamam Bariş, bana bak..... bana bak." He reluctantly looked at her. "this isn't your fault tamam. Well solve this all. All of it together. You cant give up. Sen ve ben, biz heşey halletmek. (You and me; us, we'll solve everything.) Tamam. Sakin ol. Lutfen Ağlama. (Okay, Calm down. Please don't cry)" She assured him felling him calm down a little taking refuge in the crook of her neck. She kept caressing his hair and his cheek. She could feel his tears slow down as if just her being there was giving him hope.

Once sure he had stopped crying as he had nuzzled against her neck. She slowly got him up, taking off his jacket, she lay him on the couch. He was drowsy and tired so he didn't complain. She sat beside him caressing his face.

"How did you come in?" he asked in a heavy voice.

"You left the door open."

"Özür dilerim."

"Gerek yok." She smiled "Hep seninle buradayım. Tamam?" (I'm always here with you.)

"Tamam. Biz heşey halletmek." He said barely above a whisper. Sleep coming to take him.

"Evet." She smiled.

She got up to tidy the place and planting a sincere kiss on his cheek as she left for home. She was glad she had come to check up on him. He gave her strength as she did to him. They both carried so much within them. But with each other, they would in fact, solve everything.