The sky began to bleed into an inky, dark night. The crescent moon began to bloom into its new phase. The stars twinkle as they speckle the sky. The last bit of sunlight was still seen from afar. The sea seems to drown the sun as it seems to fall from the sky. The waves clap at each other repeatedly. The cold rock pressing on my hands and my body while I nuzzle my toes into the sand. I wiggle my toes as the sand begins to separate them. I drag my feet out and bury them once more. The waves climb up to my legs and wash the sand off my feet. I pull my hair behind one of my ears. I lightly scratch a sharp rock onto the boulder that was holding me. I look around at the cool scenery around me with intent. The bumpy waves, the cold rocks and sand, and the autumn breeze tickling my skin.
A sigh escapes from my lips. Maybe it was something I needed. It helps a little, trying to let the weight of my problems off my shoulders. But it's sad that I'm the only one holding it. My emotions everywhere, but not seen by anyone. It's okay. It's fine if no one gets hurt. But at the same time, it's selfish. Helping others when you don't want them to help you. It is selfish, but it's only because I do care about the others, but I don't see any reason for anyone to care for me. I see the purpose in them, their worth, but I don't see those things in me.
'Maybe I'm blind to understand I'm special,' people have told me.
I can't find the truths and the lies people have planted in my brain. But I know one fact; something is wrong with me. The one thing everyone can agree with silently. It's a sad truth though, knowing you're a mistake. A bad person. So why am I alive? A question that no one could answer.
Question after question, silence slowly starts to accompany me.
The wind blows strands of my hair from my face. I close my eyes as I stare into a void. I focus myself on listening and feeling. As I close my eyes, I find another perspective of my world. I know that my feet were touching the sand, but I think of it as snow. I know that I was sitting on a rock, but I thought of it as a tree stump. Creating a winter wonderland inside my head. A forest of trees surrounds me as I sit in an open patch of snow. I lift my head and stare at a white sun surrounded by clouds. Suddenly, a wave washed over my thoughts and hit my legs. I open my eyes to see the ocean waves had reached me again. This time, the water surrounded the rock and I. Has high tide already come? I look behind me and stare at the beach now. Now, I seem isolated on my own little rock. The distance between the beach and I seem far. I look down and watch the tiny rapids slap against the rock. I threw the rock I held and skipped it on the surface of the ocean. Finally, I sit at this moment of solitude in my own little world.
I finally stood up while enduring the sharp surface on my feet. I jump into the water and a loud splash was heard. I gradually felt the surface and start to walk through the water. The aroma of salty water intensifies as it hits my face. When I get closer, rocks and shells slowly stab into my skin. I grit my teeth trying not to scream. I hit the dry sand and it began to cling to my skin. The annoying part when you swim on the beach. Still, I began to walk throughout the beach.
The was a strong feeling stopping me from going back to where everyone was. Yet, I knew that I have to return. To return to a place of wanted people, and yet, I'm the only unwanted. Still, I have to go back to reality and let it drive me to insanity, like most realities. Yet, mine is a little weird. Isn't facing reality also facing the truth? But somehow, I already know what's going to happen. I know my future. So, when facing the future that had already come present, it's not a surprise. So, what's the point of reality?
A bitter taste of disappointment stings walking on the cold sand. My eyes focus towards the trees. Smoke fizzles into the air while I also heard voices of people laughing and talking. I stop my tracks before realizing I'm nearly there.
