The door is purple and yellow, with pink rhinestones covering the windows. But is that important? I'm not really sure what's important right now. I don't know where I am or what I'm doing or where I'm supposed to be going. There's a door in front of me, so I guess I'm supposed to be going through the door, but do I want to go through the door? Is there another way out, another way to escape? Or do I not want to escape? Is it about escaping at all, or perhaps something entirely different. Am I lost? That must be it, I'm lost. I don't know where I am and I'm trying to find my way, and so I open the door, but I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a sign or a person or a map or something to tell me where I'm supposed to go from here. Where is here? The door is open but there's nothing here. So I take a step forward, but my foot never touches the ground and I'm falling. I'm falling and falling and when it seems like I'm just about to stop, I keep falling. And all of the sudden I'm sinking and I don't know when I hit the water or how long I've been sinking but it's getting dark. I can't tell if it's night time or if I'm sinking so far down that the sunlight can no longer reach me, and I miss the sunlight. Or was there sunlight at all? I don't remember seeing the sun when I was falling. I don't remember falling, but I know I was falling for a long time so how can I not remember the fact that I was falling?
I opened the door and I was falling and now I'm sinking, but I'm not drowning, how can I not be drowning? I'm checking my body for gills, is it possible for a human to grow gills? Or am I even human? I feel like a human, but then again how do I know what a human feels like? Maybe I'm a fish and that's why I'm not drowning but I'm still sinking and I don't think fish sink. Or maybe I'm not sinking, maybe I'm really swimming and I'm swimming down and down and down and I can't stop myself from swimming. But I see a fishing hook and I grab onto it with my hands and I don't think fish have hands, but I'm being pulled and I'm not sinking or swimming anymore, I'm being pulled up and up and up and before I know it I'm not even in the water and my clothes are dry and I don't think fish wear clothes. I'm on a beach and I'm running but I don't know why I'm running or what I'm running from but I know that I can't stop running so I don't. The beach doesn't look much like a beach anymore and I don't think I'm anywhere near any beaches because I'm in the city and there are so many people around me. So many people, so many people, so many people and they all look the same and I can't tell who's who and I wonder if anybody else can tell who I am or who they are because everybody looks the same. Can anybody tell me who I am and whether or not I'm a fish because I really don't think I'm a fish anymore but I don't know. I don't know who I am or where I am or what I am or why I am but I am, and I hope I don't look the same as everyone else because then how will I ever know who I am?
But it doesn't matter who I am right now because I have to get out of here because I hate crowds and everybody around me looks the same and I have to get out of here and I think I already said that so why am I not moving? My feet are stuck to the ground and I can't move and I'm trying to break free but my feet won't budge. And all the people around me are walking away and I think that maybe being in a crowd is okay because now I don't feel safe because my feet are stuck to the ground and I can't move and the people have to be moving away from something. Something I can't move away from, and I can feel it coming up behind me and it's breathing down my neck and I'm trying to move but I can't and my feet are still stuck to the ground. I look down and there are spiders and they're crawling on my feet and up my legs and back and arms and they're covering my face and I hate spiders, and being in a crowd wouldn't be so bad at all if I didn't have to be covered in spiders. And they're crawling into my mouth and nose and ears and eyes and I can't see anything. Everything is dark. Everything is quiet. Everything is moving in slow-mo, or at least I think it's in slow-mo but I can't tell because I can't see anything but it sure does feel like the clocks have stopped ticking. The clocks. Have stopped. Ticking.
The darkness leaves and I'm in a room full of clocks and suddenly they're all ticking. They're all ticking very fast and I'm trying to make them stop and I'm trying to make them slow down because I don't like it when the clocks tick so fast. They're counting down to something, I know they're counting down to something but I don't know what and I don't want it to come, I don't want to find out, so why are the clocks ticking so fast? Why are the clocks so loud, I hate the sound of clocks ticking but the sound is all around me and I swear I can see the sounds. I can see the sounds of the clocks ticking and I close my eyes but I can still see them. Tick tock tick tock tick tock. The sound is slowing down now and they're getting quieter and the sound of the clocks ticking is getting farther and farther away and I feel like whatever the clocks were ticking down to may have already passed. Or maybe there was no countdown in the first place.
I open my eyes and the clocks are gone and I'm in a room. Is this a room? It has four walls and a floor and a ceiling, but it's lacking some sort of room-like quality and I can't put my finger on what but it doesn't seem like a room. And I think about what I'm doing here and where I'm supposed to go and I think about the door. The purple and yellow door with pink rhinestones covering the windows. But there's no door in here and this isn't really a room at all because typically a room has a way out and this not-room has no exit. So how did I get in this not-room if it has no door? And how am I supposed to get out of here? I have to get out of here have to get out of here I don't know why but I know I have to get out of this room. No, not-room. It's not a room it's a not-room and I don't know how to escape from a not-room and there really should be a door but then it wouldn't be a not-room it would be a room and it's definitely not a room. And I'm clawing at the walls and I'm screaming and I need to get out of here and my fingernails are bleeding and I wonder how they started bleeding. There's blood on the wall and I think it must be from my bleeding fingernails but the blood catches on fire and I don't know where the fire came from because my fingernails aren't on fire. But the fire is spreading and spreading and spreading and it's surrounding me now and I'm screaming because I'm on fire. My fingernails are burning and I think I can feel the smoke entering my gills because my insides are burning and I'm still screaming.
People are surrounding me now and I tell them they should run because there's a fire and they're going to burn but they don't leave. And now I remember why I don't like being in crowds because the people are surrounding me and their hands are covering me and trying to hold me down but they're not catching fire. And I'm thrashing about and screaming but the people don't leave. There's one man saying something to me and all the others are trying to hold me down and everybody still looks the same and they're all in white and I can't figure out what the one man is saying. I'm staring at his lips but I can't hear anything over the fire crackling in my ears and I'm trying to tell him that I can't hear him over the fire but he's still trying to say something to me. And there's a sharp pain in my arm and the pain is worse than the fire ever was and I'm feeling numb and I stop screaming and thrashing and the man in white pulls the syringe out of my arm and all the people that look the same leave the room from the door that wasn't there before and they never told me whether or not I was a fish. They left through the door. The door. The purple and yellow door with pink rhinestones on the windows? No. No. The colours are fading. The fire has stopped burning. The clocks have stopped ticking. And I'm in a room, not a not-room. Everything is a different shade of white. No, now it's grey. The drugs are starting to kick in, I know the drugs are starting to kick in because everything goes black. It's dark and I can't see anything now but I swear I can still see the clocks. Still see the clocks. Still see the sounds of the ticking clocks.
Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...
