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It all begins
Kim Namjoon had never seen anyone more ethereal. The new boy Jung Hoseok really intrigued him. He had never felt this way before. The boy and his brother had been speaking to him for a while now, but the beating of his heart never got slower. Namjoon knew he was screwed. He should have been more cautious because falling in love was the most dangerous thing he could do at this time. He wished these feelings would stop. He didn't want to complicate his life even further. Hoseok was approaching him again at the moment, perhaps he wanted help with something again. Namjoon couldn't even ignore him, he was the school president after all. And when Hoseok finally reached him with his bright smile and cute blush, Namjoon knew he couldn't do anything about his feelings now. He had already fallen in too deep, and his friends, the four idiotic dorks plus Hoseok's brother Jimin were doing nothing to stop him.
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Hoseok had become a constant in Namjoon's life. A source of light, an escape from the darkness. He was happier in school than at home. Of course, considering he now lived alone, finally lived freely. His friends, the very caring Kim Seok-jin; the pair that never failed to make him smile Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook; the one hyung he could talk philosophically and who never judged him for that Min Yoongi; the cute little bean Jimin; and the one person that made his heart beat erratically Jung Hoseok. He was finally feeling as though things might be getting better in his life. Sure, sleep was still a luxury. Sure, he worked like a maniac to support himself. Sure, he was becoming more and more drained by the day, but these people were the reason he wanted to live a long life. He just wanted them all to keep being the way they were, happy and free. That's why it never occurred to him to tell them about his darkness, to show them his scars, to inform them about the way he lived. Perhaps that was his biggest mistake.
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He didn't want to live to see this. In front of him stood his friends, all with the same question in their eyes.
"Why?"
He couldn't answer them. He couldn't explain why he refused to go out with the love of his life. He loved Hoseok, he really did. But how could he tell them what had broken him? How could he possibly explain and from where should he start? What should he tell them and how should he tell them? He couldn't do that to them. He couldn't burden them. He was the only one who had to suffer. He was the only one who had to take the pain. Then why should he bring them down with him? He decided at that moment. Looking into all of their questioning eyes, he was to leave their lives. That was for the best. He had already broken the reason for his existence. He didn't want to break them. He just hoped they healed Hoseok. And at that moment, for the first time in forever, he wished he was in the shoes of his friends instead.
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Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this. He repeated that in his head when he saw Hoseok locking lips with someone else. He couldn't help the tear that escaped his eyes. He couldn't help his legs running away. Again. That's all he seemed to know. It had almost been a year since he stopped talking to his friends. A year of torture. A year of darkness. A year of yearning. A year of heartache. He didn't know anymore. He was confused by his feelings when all of them laughed without him; When All of them smiled without him; When All of them fell in love without him. He was happy when his Jin hyung and Jungkook started going out. He was ecstatic when his idiotic dongsaeng Taehyung finally asked Jimin out on a date. But with all of this came the feeling of loneliness and worthlessness. They didn't need him anymore, they didn't approach him anymore, they didn't care anymore. And he didn't know what hurt more, the fact that they didn't care now or the thought that they never did. After all, no one had ever cared.
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It all ends......
They passed by him without noticing. Without taking a second glance. He had finally become invisible to them. Just a distant memory, like he never existed. That was for the best. He had decided to write the letters long ago. And now he would finally finish them. He would finally take that step. He would finally end the whole ordeal. No one cared anyway. He was tired. He just wanted to finally be free. Perhaps after dying, he might finally be in Hoseok's arms?
YOU ARE READING
The last you heard of me
Fanfiction"Death is inevitable. The way you die matters." Unfortunately, Namjoon died in the most painful way possible, by suicide. k.nj × j.hs Platonic k.nj × bts
