𝘱𝘴, 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 (𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥)

chapter forty

Harry

I finally arrived back at the tower late. It was a little past ten, so it wasn't really that late anyway. I had walked the whole way back here in a complete daze. I still couldn't believe what had just taken place just a few minutes ago. Zayn and I had actually kissed. Not even just a tiny peck, but we kissed for hours, until the sky darkened and our breaths ran short. It was perfect, just how I remembered. I never thought I could feel as alive as I did a few minutes ago again. I hadn't felt that in so long, it was refreshing.

Though, I still felt bad about it. Not bad because I did it, but bad because it happened and while I was still with someone else. Even though I admitted that I wasn't happy in this relationship with Liam and that I didn't want to be with him, it was still wrong. I had cheated on him. I wasn't a cheater, I hated cheaters and here I go doing the very thing I am against. It was just an in the moment thing that just happened. I was highly upset, Zayn was there for me, he comforted me and he talked me through it. He made me feel so much better.

He must have gotten caught up in the moment himself considering he had initiated the kiss. It didn't matter either way, even if I were just caught up in a moment, it was wrong. No matter how much I wanted it or how much I enjoyed or whether I wanted to be with Liam or not. I should have at least respected him enough to end anything going on between us before I go off lip locking with someone else. Zayn, of all people. I knew how much Liam probably hated Zayn. I can only imagine how pissed off he'd be if he found out about this. Which is exactly why I won't tell him. I just need to figure out what I'm going to do.

I took a deep breath, calming myself as I stepped into the tower. I curse the alert system for blabbing out that someone was entering like it always did. The front room was empty and dark, so I was assuming as well as hoping everyone was in their rooms by now. I wanted to make it to my own room before anyone came down to ask what I had been up to or where I had been all day. And I definitely didn't want to speak to Liam until tomorrow, I just did not want to deal with him right now. He was most likely still mad and I didn't want to talk to him while he was upset with me for something he shouldn't be upset about.

If I don't wanna have sex, I shouldn't have to and I shouldn't be made to feel bad about it. I had thought a lot about it and I realized that I for once, was not in the wrong this time. Liam was being unreasonable able this and it just wasn't fair. I always felt so crappy for everything I do or make him feel. Maybe I didn't show him enough appreciation or affection or 'love'. But now that I finally admit that I never wanted to be in a relationship with him, it makes sense as to why I always felt so detached. I liked him more like a friend and that's what he was meant to be. I don't even know how this all got started. I never showed interest in Liam before, and right after Zayn had left, Liam suddenly wanted me? At first I was just being nice, but I guess kindness had given him the wrong idea. I stupidly gave in and decided try this out. I hadn't even been ready to be in another relationship, but with Liam's constant nagging and pressuring, it was kinda hard to say no. This whole thing was a mistake!

I grumble slightly, screaming on the inside but feeling beat on the outside. I just needed some sleep, when I slept I didn't think. Everything was just dark and quiet, giving my brain the break it needed. I make my way over to the elevator pressing the button. The doors opened and I froze when I saw Liam standing inside with his arms crossed, like a parent ready to discipline their child for coming home past curfew. I bit my lip and stepped back a little as he stepped off the elevator, eyeing me. I had really hoped I made it to my room without any encounters, but then again nothing ever really works in my favor.