1) How often do you think about body image?
Never.
2) Have you ever thought about suicide?
No.
These were the questions I had to fill out on the paper work among many other questions. I was at the eating disorder clinic for my first appointment. I didn't want to be here at all. I had to lie to them so I could get out of the radar and go back to restricting. I'd do anything for Ana. I just need to get thin. Thin is what I crave. Starving is my addiction. This is just the beginning to my eating disorder.
"Jamie?" I hear a faint voice call my name. She greets me with a smile as I walk back with her.
She's either fat or pregnant. Is this what they teach you hear? How to get fat and love it?
Lady: "Hi I'll just be asking you a few questions today."
Me: Okay
Lady: "Let's get started shall we? What did you have to eat yesterday?"
Hahaha you think I'd actually tell you? Cute. Time for bullshit.
Me: "Bagel, coffee, sand which, and some pasta dish"
Lady: "Do you ever get cold?"
Me: "Not really"
Lady: "You have goosebumps on your legs"
Me:
After an agonizing 30 minutes she ends with "Do you feel safe at home?"
I sit there. In a mild flash back. I begin to cry. Tears are streaming down my face.
"Of course," I say with no facial expression
"What's with the tears?"
Me:
Lady: "You can tell me anything. I care about you and want you to be safe."
Me:
Lady: "Any other questions?"
Me: "Do you think I have an eating disorder?"
Lady: "It's possible. It's hard to say considering this is your first visit"
The lady goes and gets my mom as they have a visit. This is going to be a long car ride home.
I sit in the waiting room on my phone. She calls my name again "Jamie, you can come back now."
She pulls us into some auqa colored room. "We're going to schedule you an appointment with a family therapist for further treatment, it'll just be a few appointments until we can get a further understanding for the level of treatment you need, if any."
Well shit.
Comments will be greatly appreciated(:
