Unforgettable ~ A Jared Leto/MARS Fanfiction

19-Jared

It's hard for me to believe it's still as early as it is, with everything that's happened in the last few hours. Kristov is shuffling slowly back toward his bed from the bathroom when he stops and turns, a concerned expression crossing his face the instant he spots me standing there in the doorway.

"Are you all right?" He changes direction and approaches me, his worried expression deepening the closer he draws near. "God, you look exhausted." He lays gentle hands on my shoulders. "Have you been crying?"

I chew my bottom lip for a moment and then sigh, nodding. "Yeah."

"Did your wife..." Kristov hesitates, and then his voice softens. "Did she leave, Jared?"

I sigh and nod again as I step into the bedroom, making my way to the unmade bed. I sit on the edge of it and look down at my hands, clenched together between my knees. "Yeah. She's gone."

Saying it out loud like that slams reality into me, a blunt punch to the gut. My own words are a kind of shock to the system, and the finality of it resonates inside me. My lungs constrict, my throat tightens, and my eyes sting. I press the heels of my hands against my eyes, feeling utterly raw and stripped to the bone. Until this moment I've fought to maintain the best show of strength I'm capable of to match Lanie's own in the face of everything. I've forced myself to be strong for Shelby, too. But now that I'm alone with Kristov, that facade crumbles. I've craved a moment where I can allow myself to be weak, to give up the iron control of my emotions, to give in and let it all out. This is that moment. And so, for the next few minutes, that's exactly what I do.

Kristov sits next to me and pulls me gingerly against his body, and then he wraps his arms around me. Though mindful of his incision, I melt into his embrace as he allows me to sob against his shoulder. Only for a few moments, because a few moments is all I need. 

Then I pull myself together. I sit up, fumbling for the tissues Kristov grabs from the box on the nightstand, and he strokes my hair gently as I wipe my eyes and take a long, quivering breath."Shit," I mutter and blow my nose. "I'm sorry". Then I turn to Kristov, who's looking at me silently, but with grave concern. "She did it, Kris."

"She did what?" A frown crosses his face.

"She got the pictures back from Ivan. Which means she—" My mouth moves, trying to form the words, but nothing comes out. I gesture helplessly instead.

Kristov's eyes widen with comprehension. "Oh. Oh, my God, Jared."

"Yeah," I draw a painful, quivering breath. "She called it my freedom. Can you believe that?"

Kristov gazes at me steadily, and very softly he says, "You should hate me so much."

I sniffle and look at him. "What?"

His depthless eyes don't waver. "Had I not given Katia those photos, none of this would have happened. There would have been no reason for Lanie to sleep with Ivan had I not done so." He grasps my chin firmly, his eyes boring into mine. "Why do you not hate me, Jared? What I did is unforgivable! You should hate me with every fiber of your being!"

I search Kristov's dark eyes, glimmering with emotion in the early morning light. They're riddled with guilt and sadness. I know he's right—I should hate him. From the moment we met again at the EMAs, I should've held nothing but bitter contempt for this man sitting beside me. Especially now that Lanie felt she had to sacrifice herself to undo the damage he's done. I've sure the hell been angry and hurt, yes, but hate has never once revealed its ugly face in the midst of it. Instead, what I've felt toward him has been about as far from hate as one can get.