on a scale from 1 - 0 are you happy?
cause you're on your own from here so, are you happy?
i'm open to suggestions, so are you happy?
but what the fuck kind of question is, am i happy?
i really want to try to get happy,
and i think that i could get it if i didnt panic everytime i'm unhappy,
like, i'm owed some life where i'm always, like, happy,
which is stupid cause i wouldn't even want it if i got it,
wait, oh god, my dad was right.
so if you ever know or ever knew how, to be happy,
on a scale from 1 - 2 now, are you happy?
you're everything you hated, are you happy?
hey, look ma, i made it, are you happy?
-bo burnham
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i can tell myself to be happy,
sometimes it works,
i can be happy with my friends,
without them, it hurts.
when i get home,
i sit all alone,
i'm out of the zone,
stuck in my mind.
'Ellie, did you hear any of that?'
annoyance underlines their words,
'Yeah, sorry, can you say it again please.'
i feel guilt rising up
they drone on about something i don't really care about
i listen anyway, memorizing every word.
but the things around me seem far more interesting, it seems like this whole one sided conversation could melt into the monotone colours of my room.
'Ellie, why do you never concentrate?'
'Sorry.'
'Stop saying sorry and just pay attention.'
i listen to the words once again, they repeat the same things over and over again.
finally they leave and i can be alone.
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Happiness
NOUN
mass noun
The state of being happy.
‘Sarah struggled to find happiness in her life’
‘Tom's heart swelled with happiness’
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i want to be Tom but i'm Sarah.
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oh well.
