As Far As I Can Remember - Theodore Monifore

Recollection one

When I came into the world, next to my brother, I'd like to think that I was silent. The nurses said I was, and so therefore, to my clearest memory, I was. My brother screamed. He screamed loud enough to awaken the angels that would gather around him as he grew, shielding his eyes from the way the world was.

I was silent, and so naturally, they forgot I was there.

I'm unsure as to whether it was the fact, that, from that moment on I knew I wouldn't be loved or that I didn't know how to pull the air into my lungs that made me unable to produce a sound. I stared up at the nurse that held me, smiling before looking to my mother.

I recall everything as a white sound, but as she cleaned me, wiping blood from infantile skin, I heard the name

Theodore... Theodore Alex Monifore...

And the nurse looked back to me, repeating the name. I suppose I understood that it was mine, but as she whispered another, and then one more that was followed by tears, I didn't understand. I couldn't understand. All I knew is that the lights were too bright for my eyes, and the room was cold. Colder than I'd ever comprehend possible until later in my life.

She placed me in a woman's arms. My mother's arms. She was warm and smelled soft, but the thin lipped smile on her face as green eyes darted from a male to the nurse was sharp. I remained silent. I'm not sure how I felt it, but I felt unsafe. Unloved.

Right from the very beginning.