Deep Breath

Eyes

I'm laying here listening to the screaming around me. I don't know what to do or where to go. My mind is going 100 miles a minute and I can't slow it down. Tears are streaming down my face because of this aching pain. Who knew that living could be this hard. People used to tell me that pain was a temporary game. Something to be endured before I could be wrapped in love. Now I know that's all a lie. Pain is something that stays with you forever but the throbbing in your heart gets a little less harsh everyday. Eventually you learn to control the pain and then it's almost as if it was never there. However, that's not the case with me. No matter how hard I try I can't stop the throbbing of my heart or the ache in my tear soaked eyes. Days and nights are merging together because sleep has become a stranger. I think I'm slipping from reality and honestly I don't want to come back. The real world hurts so much and I'm tired of being afraid. I wish I could lay here all day and let my problems fade away. But I can't. I have to get up and put on a mask. A mask that shows a smiling face with happy heart. And after a grueling day of playing nice, with the people who don't give a shit about my life, I go home to take off the mask. Right when I discard myself of the shame ridden mask the pain comes flooding back again. But for now I must look straight ahead with my eyes open and pretend to be ok with the chaos of today. Maybe one day I can wake up and not have to pretend to like what I see.