The world seems to hold its breath. Nothing moves except Em. She won’t stop shaking her hands around.
Everybody around us is staring, judging. Yet she still won’t calm down. I think it’s a panic attack. A sour taste fills my mouth so I hold my nose. I squeeze it tight and I don’t let go. When I don’t think I can handle a situation, I hold my nose so tight until it’s the only thing I can feel. Now people are staring at the both of us. My dad tells me not to hold my nose in public. He says it’s weird and makes people uncomfortable. But I don’t think so.
Em stops shaking so I grab her shoulders and drag her inside a store. I take out my polaroid camera from my bag and take a picture of where we were just standing a minute before. Photography is my happy place. It’s like a tiny little world inside a square. It also helps me remember things. My dad says I have a bad memory, but I think I remember things just fine. He still makes sure I bring my camera with me wherever I go, though. But I wouldn’t forget it anyway. I love photography. I love photography. Dad also says sometimes I repeat things. I don’t think I do that either though. He always tells me what little things about me some people find strange, but what I find is that I don’t do any of the things he says I do. Well except holding my nose.
Em is used to the things I do by now. We’ve been friends since the third grade. I think. Yeah that seems about right. I’ll remember to ask her after.
“Courtney-” Em started but I cut her off.
“How did we meet?” I asked her. She gave me a confused look.
“What do you mean?”
“How did we become friends? I-I don’t remember..” I looked down.
“Oh,” Em began, “Well it was third grade and..” Third grade okay. I’ll make a mental note about that. Actually, that might not work too well. “Your dad had said you should go make friends and brought you to the park. My mom had said the same thing. They told us to go play and…..and….” Em scrunched up her nose. She does that when she’s trying to remember something.
Her face brightened up again, “Our parents were talking and decided to introduce us to each other. They said that we both had...issues..communicating with other kids and that maybe we could play together..” Her nose scrunched up again, “That’s all I remember.”
I smiled, “Well that’s more than I remembered.”
. . .
“Courtney, do you have your camera?” Was the first thing my dad said as I walked into the house. This is what he says everyday when I come back from my walk with Em. Our parents had decided it was good if we both went for a walk together everyday to get fresh air and “socialize”, although the only socializing going on was when Em and I would talk.
“Yes.” I answered and proceeded to hand it to him to start the routine. He looked through the pictures of today and stopped at each one, asking me to tell him why I took the picture and where I was. I took a sharp breath in when he came to the last one.
“And what’s this one?” He asked like he always did. He noticed my hesitance and put his hand on my shoulder.
“Em had a panic attack.” I blurted out. Concern crossed his face. She hadn’t had one in a while. No wonder I had to start holding my nose.
He picked up the phone to send a text to Em’s mom. I peeked over his shoulder but he turned away so I couldn’t see.
I picked up my camera and took a picture of him holding the phone.
I’m not sure why, but I think I might need to remember this.
