do you remember...

16

'She stayed in my room every night. She was too scared to stay in a room alone. I don't know why and I never questioned it. We were so young and she meant so much to me it almost felt like second nature.' He sighed.

'You fell in love with her.' I said simply.

'I did. But not in the way you think.' He runs his hand through his hair and sighs. 'Her mum was in a really fucked up situation. She was addicted to so many things. Weed, coke, pills. She was an alcoholic for a long time but it never got out of hand. She used to-' he paused as if remembering a memory he wanted to forget. 'She used to hurt her, bring people around and they hurt her too.'

I held my hand to my mouth to in my sob.

How could I have been so selfish, to just think about myself and my feelings.

'But she was okay when she came to live at yours, right?' I said hopeful, trying to keep in a tear.

'She would wake up every night screaming, sometimes she would scream and cry in her sleep and I couldn't wake her up until she would eventually wake up herself and just sit there and silently cry herself back to sleep. She didn't stay with us forever though. When we were sixteen my parents... had to leave.' I sensed hesitation in his voice.

I still hadn't seen his parents and I always wondered to ask about it.

'They were pretty rich and I was able to become and emancipated minor and stay in this house because we bought it and everything.' He was rambling and I could tell her was upset.

'Cass was still fifteen and she wasn't family by blood, and even if we could emancipate her too to stay with me, her mother came back. She said she heard the news about my parents and she was back and better than before.

Cass agreed to go back and live with her after seeing she was doing better, but I guess being in that house triggered some bad memories and she quickly fell back into her old routines.'

He just stopped talking and I saw tears fill his eyes. His breath hitches and he clutched his heart at a memory and what he was about to say next.

'I remember the night she knocked on my door her hair was wet from the rain and her face was wet from her tears. She had bruises on her face legs and she couldn't speak from the trauma. They hurt her. She wouldn't tell me anything but she always left the door open when she showered and made me stand outside and I'd hear her crying.

She was always so sensitive. So soft and delicate. She was too precious to have been hurt like that.' He was now staring at his feet tears falling down his face. 'And that's when I moved her here and whenever she had check ups with her social workers I'd go back with her and make sure she was never in that house alone.

I did love her. I still do. As a sister. She was more than just my friend she was my family and whenever she was hurt I felt my whole heart being ripped out.'

'I'm so sorry.' Was all I could say trying to be strong for him and not show him my tears.

'She loves you, you know.' He looked up at me and my eyes widened in shock. 'Not in the way everyone else did. She loved you because you were the only person that made me happy. She always told me that you'd never understand how badly she appreciated you for making me feel loved at a time I thought no one could.' He tried to keep a steady voice but it would break every time the tears got intense  and I was cuddled up in his lap comforting him.