where is the relief?

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What does it mean when i can see you,

Standing before me when the ciggarette smoke disappears,

Why is it that i see you laughing in trippy times,

Why is it that something soo meaningless for you,

Obsses's me everywhere,

I hate it that i still have to imagine you when iam scared,

Imagine you smilling,

Pulling all the pages i can from a poisonous memory,

Slowly turning to a pathetic creep,

I fucking want to love again,

But it seems the world is against it,

Pushing me again to a cesspool of the past,

Each day is a fucking struggle,

To crawl and find someone,

Who'll love me again,

Slowly learning the peace of solace,

But i'll be honest ,

Enjoying solace doesn't comfort me everynight,

There are somedays i think its okay to turn up at your doorstep,

But i realize its better to bear a suffering,

Than turn up at a pretending person for help.

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