Masking our Memories | ✓

Interference

The moment that I saw him, I knew he would be mine...At least for that moment of time...
.
.
.
I stood by the door waiting to find a good reason to push that doorbell. I'm sure there was a way for me to come up with a decent response to convince myself that I had a right to be there.
The other night I had an argument with the one I thought was mine, but it turns out that we never had anything really. It wasn't my opinion but I couldn't argue against a fact.
His name was Cole, and he is sophomore in high school, just like me. He however was your very typical outsider teen, who claims that he is the outcast in everyone's world.
I didn't think so. I thought that with everything I've noticed about him, I created a decent way to pursue myself that he's perfect. Maybe that was a just my heart being oblivious to my mind and the actual reality that no one really is.
Come to think of it, that was never true to me. I believed I loved him. I believed I had trust in him, yet the feelings being tossed around by my mixed emotions had me feel differently each time we met. A week ago we really began to talk more. More than ever.
Cole once told me that his perception was that he was an accident, and his parent's didn't tell him. He said that his parents told him that he was a blessing, though he figured that the "broken condom" joke his parents were laughing about at 2 o'clock in the morning was about him.
Cole never had a good relationship between him and his parents. According to Cole, the reality through his lenses is that his parents couldn't grasp the fact that he was sad. He felt unnoticed, and lonely. "It's because I'm rich" he said. "They are convinced that I have no right to be as miserable as I perceive because I'm living the "good life"."
At that moment he started to get really upset. And I didn't know what to do. I tried to explain to him that life's just really unfair for some people. He says he already knows that, and he is living proof.
As Cole started to walk away, I ran up next to him. I grabbed his hand and he shook and turned around really fast like he had a reflex against interaction of touch. I said "whoah calm down, I'm just trying to help." He turned the other way and said nothing. He just stood there. Then he continued to walk. I let him.
The next day I saw him again at school. He was at his locker taking books out. I went up to him and said "Hey about last night, I'm sorry if I triggered anything personal." He nodded his head then closed his locker and walked away.
It was the second time he ignored me and decided to walk away. I wanted to just go back to him and try to talk, but I just let him go. I was assuming it was a way for him to burn off steam. Realistically speaking he was his own issue. When help tries to interfere with him, he pushes it away. I think to myself "Well he's never going to get better if he doesn't open up to help or company."
The bell rang and it was time to go to class.
I didn't get to see him until it was lunch time.
And that was a whole other scenario.
We were in the cafeteria on the line to get our lunch when Cole looked at me and said "It's not you..." I smiled and said "It's ok, I'm just here to help." He snickered and said "I don't need help, Heather. I need someone I can trust" I told him that if he needed a place to start, he could start with me to begin trusting.
"Trust isn't something you can just start. It develops. People need to think of it more that way than they actually do." He walked away...Again.
"Cole!" He turned around. "What?" He raised his voice at me for the first time. I backed up. "Whoah." He said "What are you doing now, trying to "help"." He rolled his eyes.
"Why are you being mean to me."
According to him, he's being realistic. According to me he's being a realistic jerk.
"What are you doing, Cole. Why?. Do you love making others feel bad about trying to be there for you?"
People began to notice more. I didn't want to make a scene so I walked away this time. Cole stood there. He was idle as he looked straight at me as I faded away into the crowd.
We didn't meet again until dismissal. When it was time to leave, I just got my stuff together and left. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened in the cafeteria. I wondered if he actually had any remorse for pushing me away.
I actually saw Cole again as we were walking down the steps. He came closer. Then we made eye contact. He actually smiled for real. Or at least the curve of his lips creating a grin seemed authentic.
I smiled backed and then walked towards the street walking home. At the red light he stood by me. "You going this way?" He looked down and then up. Finally he turned his head to look at me. "Just for now." The light turned green. We both walked away. This time together.
A couple of minutes later, we arrived at the steps of my house. I live very close to the school, so it wasn't a long walk.
I sat down by my door and he sat next to me. We stayed there silent. No words, just together. It was a moment of time where we semi bonded with each other.
He spoke. "Heather, I want to apologize..." There was confusion for me. I felt in that time in place that he had done nothing wrong, and I believed that. "For what? You were just upset." He looked at me and smirked. "Yeah, I mean. Not now though..."
I felt happy, and I came up with a crazy idea. "Let me come by sometime, you know? Like if that's ok. Maybe if you trust me?" He looked straight at me with a serious expression. "Do you trust me?" I nodded very obviously dismissing that I only have known him for two days now, without even interfering the slightest. "I'll take you by my place, if you wish." I stood up straight. "I wish!" He stood up as well and grabbed my hand. I gasped and looked shocked. Then I felt a bit of relief. I was glad. We walked to the bus, and hopped on.
Cole paid the driver with cash and we walked to the back, and sat next to each other. Finally , many stops later, we arrived at his house. We were walking to the door and I stood there admiring the beauty of his home. It was perfect. The moment was perfect. He was perfect...to me. The sun was going down, and I soon fell in love with the misfit.
That brings us all back to last night's episode.