catharsis ➳ self care; mental, physical and spiritual health

dealing with toxic people (3)

Getting toxic people out of your life will promote mental health which promotes physical health and then everyone wins!!

If I say it once, I've said it a thousand times, but don't waste your breath once you figure out your relationship is toxic. It's not worth it. You will put a lot of energy into it trying to save it, but chances are things will not change. That's the hard core truth and it's best for you to skeedaddle in a polite way and move on with your life.

Here are some signs your relationship is toxic:

1.) you feel like they're hiding things from you/talking behind your back, and every time you address it they guilt you. If they guilt you in any situation which isn't your fault, they're toxic.

This happened to me with a friend who kept excluding me from activities. After I brought it up once, she played it innocent and I thought I was the problem and I felt like crap. Guess what guys? If you're feeling the same way just because you notice that someone is excluding you, you aren't the problem. They are. If they can't own up to their mistakes, you have every right to leave that friendship.

2.) they manipulate you.

Manipulation can be subtle or obvious. It can be little comments making you sway one way or another to try and get things perfect for them or it can be them lying to your face. People manipulate their friends because they like to feel as though they have control in relationships and they like to think that they're the ones in power and enjoy the attention. Well guess what, Linda?! You're not the one with the control! We have control of our lives, not you, fucker.

3.) they downgrade your success / don't support you

This one tends to be pretty obvious. If your friend doesn't smile and support your endeavors and cheer when you succeed, they're garbage. Say adios. For example, if you get 100% on the test you thought you were gonna fail and you go and celebrate and they just say nothing or say something like "well I got 100 on that too," bye bye Brendan, we've got better friends than you. If you've got a big concert coming up and you have a solo or something but Tanya doesn't want to come and support you because it's not that big of a deal anyways and she can't pay for the $10 ticket even though her work pays $12/hour, say toddles Tanya! We don't want your negativity anyways.

4.) everything is about them and always want attention

If Sadie pouts every time you talk to a friend besides her, you gotta tell Sadie sayonara because she's not a good friend. For example, if you're in a group of people and Sadie is your "best friend" but you're talking to another friend instead of her, so Sadie pouts and talks about how she's "so lonely" even though you're in a group of people, Sadie is as toxic as a nuclear bomb.

Here is how you address a toxic relationship:

• try telling them what they're doing and tell them that it's wrong and that you won't deal with it.
If they care about your friendship at all, they will try and fix their behavior and recognize that what they're doing is hurting you. If they don't, they're selfish and don't deserve your friendship anyways.
• if you're still friends after confrontation, take baby steps and distance yourself to show that they've lost your trust.
Remember, "forgive but never forget." Maybe they were just going though a phase and that's why they were acting like that, but you never have to rush back into a close relationship. Take your time and see what your life is like with other people close to you instead of them.
• if you don't remain friends after confrontation, block them on everything.
It hurts like a bitch after you cut off a toxic friend because you think that you're reliant upon them, but you have to disconnect from them. They aren't good for you and they don't deserve your friendship. Block their insta, snapchat, phone number, whatever you need to do. If this person is in your group of immediate friends, let the other people know what happened in a polite way so awkward situations can be avoided.
• never apologize and never go back. forget about them.
You'll want to go back and you'll think you're nothing without them, but trust me sweetheart - once you lose them, you're on your way to being the best version of you. You will pull through this and find people who love you for you, not love manipulating you into someone they want you to be.

You are beautiful, you are powerful, you are worthy of love and you deserve better.