should i be here | bts.

| 9 |

When I got into the room, I turned on Yoongi's computer and started a new project. I have been waiting to record part of this song. It's the song I had come up with on the plane, and it's the one I had been working on the other night on my phone.

"What are you doing?" Yoongi asked as he saw me at his computer. I already had the microphone bent down to my height and started singing my song, "Finding Myself". It was in Korean and I thought about making it in English, but it didn't flow as well with the beat I had come up with.

This song, I made because I had a hard time finding myself as of who I am now. A vocalist and dancer for the biggest band in the world. But it's like the journey of finding yourself. My favorite line is "I lived in color." The meaning of this is when you're a kid, you see everything as a bright and happy place, until you reach 12-13 years old, you have to regain that color because you don't want to know how your world is going to look without it.

My voice echoed through the room and seemed to put my hyung in a trance as I sat and sang the lyrics off of my cracked phone screen with a passion stronger than any passion I've ever thought I've had.

I kept singing until I felt the microphone move away from my face. I opened my eyes to see that all of the other members had come in, I hadn't noticed. The person that had pulled the microphone away from me was Jimin.

"What's this song about?" I flushed red at his question.

"Oh Uhm, well," Jimin grabbed my phone out of my hand. I had small notes attached to each line of why that line was important, and how it connected to me. Jimin's mouth opened a little bit as he carefully read each little note.

"These all connect to you?" He asked and handed me my phone back as I nodded.

"Yeah, I can come up with idioms easily. It's how I write my music, and relate something to an object that has, or can have the same personality." I looked at my phone as a text came from my mom even though it was an hour later after the dinner. It had read 'are you okay?' I replied back with: 'yeah, I'm fine call me about it.' My phone started buzzing in my hand, it had read 'Mom'.

"I have to take this, it's my mom. I'll be right back." I said walking out of the room and grabbing the first jacket I had seen of mine. I had jogged out of the room and slipped my jacket on and answered my phone. I shut the door behind me and leaned against and slid down and sat on the floor and talked to my mom.

"No mom, I'm not okay. Dad freaking threw me under a- a- plane wheel, and I got crushed. And you know I'm not smart." A tear rolled down my cheek, "Mom, I am trying in school you just don't see the behind the scenes of me crying because it's too stressful for me and when I'm told to do it I don't want to do it. With the band it's different, I have a love for what I'm doing now. It's something different everyday that makes me happy even after I am sweating all of my bodily fluids out." More hot tears started running down my face but it hadn't affected my voice yet. "Okay, whatever mom. Say I don't try hard enough. It's okay. Everyone has a right to an opinion." I hung up after and stood up and touched my face and wiped my tears. I put my keycard to the door and I opened it to find Namjoon and Jin fall to my feet after having their ears to the door.

"I don't care if you heard." I walked over to my bed where Jimin and J-Hope were sitting on and just fell into my pillows and fell asleep quickly, and it was only 8:57.

I woke up at 10:26 am and looked at the desk thinking Yoongi would be there, but surprisingly he wasn't. I looked over by my phone to see a letter. On the paper it said "I've gone out to go get Starbucks and breakfast. I'll be back at 10:30. -Hyung" I looked up at the door when I heard door click as of when the keycard is placed on the lock.