I think about you more often now.
Or maybe now I just allow myself to remember.
Like maybe the flood gates that I build have sprung a leak. A leak that undoubtedly will be lethal. A leak that will lead me to my own downfall. Maybe I accidentally broke the gate myself. Maybe the accident wasn't as much of an accident as I'm trying to convince myself it was. Maybe I took a hammer and broke the gate, or left a crack knowing all the water will end up rushing in. That the gates will come crashing down. Maybe I want to call your name so badly, that I've become reckless.
Reckless again.
I loved you heedlessly. I knew, I always knew my love for you was fatal. Fatal to me conscience, to my soul, to my being. To my morality.
Am I immoral now? Have I been immoral all this time? I chose you even though I knew you were bad for me, I chose to fall dangerously in love with you, even though I knew I would end up shattered, I broke the gates that kept everything soundly tucked away, tucked away so that it couldn't reach my heart. But I broke the gates, and that was foolish, almost senseless. After all this time, I'm doing it again. And that is definitely immoral.
Gabsviolet // g.vio.g
