♡How I Found Him♡

a game

I woke up to the sound of knocking on my window. I groaned wishing i couldn't hear the annoying sound. I took my pillow and covered my head so i wouldnt hear the knocking. About five minutes later,the knocking stops and now my phone starts ringing. What the fuck?!?!? Who calls at 3:30 am? I groan louder and take my phone and answer it. "Hello" i answer tiredly and lazily  "Oce,please open your window". Oh so its him who's been annoying me. Slowly i get out of my bed,dragging my feet and make it to my window without falling down which im greatful for since i dont have the best vision when im sleepy and in the dark. When i get to my window  i see a dark figure standing there and that freaks me out making me fully awake. I rub my eyes gently before opening the window.
"Took you long enough" Linda says once i open the window. "Oh I'm sorry, but you cant really blame me now can you? I mean who wakes someone up from sleep at 3:30 in  morning?" I reply sarcastically as i yawn and make my way to my bed. "What do you want?" I finally do once i realise that i need to wake up and listen to what this douche has to say.
"Ouch, i guess i deserve that" he whispers under his breathe. "Well?" I say. "Well i wanted to apologize for yestarday. I shouldn't have said all those things a-"  i cut him off "But you said them either way right. You know i believe what you said and its fine I'm selfish for wanting to clear my head right. My mom told me to listen to people when they angry because that's when their real thoughts about you are revealed,so thank you for letting me know how selfish you think i am." Already feeling tired from the conversation we're about to have. "Oce that's not what i think of you really. I was just -" he says softly "Now if my mom told me that why the fuck would i listen to you? And besides that what were you going to say? You were just angry? No you weren't. I don't get why you have to bring up the whole Benjamin thing  up all the time. I'm still hurting from it yes. I wont lie about that shit but I'm trying to move on from it and with you always bringing it up how am i supposed to do that?" I yell in a defeated voice. "Yes,when you told Benjamin that i was using him it hurt because i thought you knew me better than that. But what hurt most was seeing him and that girl holding hands all lovey dovey hurt more. I felt like someone had taken out my heart and ripped it into two right infront of me. I felt like i was worthless to him, like i was unappreciated by him. Like i was just a person whom he was using just to pass along time. I felt like i was strung along by him. Like what i felt for him was nothing to him,like i was just a game and he was the player" i say once im out of breath. It felt good telling someone how i really felt inside but it made me realise that this whole Benjamin thing was a lesson and i learnt from it. "Linda please just leave. Im not in the mood for you or anyone as a matter of fact. I've been through some shit,i been through hell and i can't take it anymore. You came into my life and created a disaster that i need to solve alone. I've been through it all with you I'm done so just please just get out" i say in tears. I couldn't help it. Linda brought the best and worst out of me and that terrified me.  The fact that i jumped from a two year relationship clearly into another one as quick probably shows how much my life was spiraling out of control and the lack of control i had over it. How did my life become so disorganised and full of drama? I'm just tired of love and people telling me that they love me. "Oce,I'm sorry for everything I put you through-" Linda just keeps talking and talking as if anything he'd say to me right now means anything to me. I'm tired of him saying that he is sorry.  "Linda,please just,just  dont say another word. Leave my room now. I'm in no mood for you or anyone. I asked to be alone and you being here shows how much you dont respect my decision to be alone. Im not some suicidal person okay. Yes you're worried about me i get that but the best thing for you to do right now is to leave me alone. We'll talk tomorrow or someday okay. Just leave please" i finish of saying crawling my way to  the top of my bed. I hated being vulnerable infront  of him. Him seeing me cry was one of the things i promised myself he'd never see again but i guess promises are meant to be broken.

***********

"She said you a goddamn-" i stop the alarm before it can continue and just go back to sleep. After what happened last night with Linda i think i need some rest but sadly its Monday and i can't afford to miss school. Well i can since I've been attending perfectly since school opened. You know what fuck that shit,I'm not going to that hell hole even if its the last thing I need to make sure of. I feel my head ache from what happened after Linda left yesterday. I headed downstairs and drank alcohol like it was no-one's business. I just don't  understand how one person can make me feel so vulnerable by just apologizing to me about how he'd acted. I mean yeah,he acted like a douchebag and I  wont forgive him  any time soon  for that shit. I drag myself to my toilet and take a bubble bath with scented candles and listen to some Jhenè Aiko. My muscles begin to relax in the hot water and i find myself in a chilled zone whilst singing along to 'The worst.' After what seems like an hour in the bath,i come out wrap myself in a towel and connect my phone to the radio. Pumping up Dvsn like no other. I walk to my closet and choose an outfit for the day that consists of an oversized Redbat t-shirt and tights. I increase the volume when Don't Choose starts playing. "Don't choose your bed over mine tonight. Dont  you pretend that you'll be alright. I wonder if you really telling the truth,I'll hold your ground ...you say i always change the topic when you ask about my other options.  You know that i got commitment issues "  I sing. Checking the time its already 10:30, I decide to go to the park just to relax and unwind which i something I've been trying to do since Saturday. I grab my earphones and phone then walk out the house. Walking has always been one of my favourite things to do especially during Spring. During spring everything comes to life again showing a new beginning and a new chapter for the earth. Everything is fresh and well. Leaves are the most beautiful shade of green,birds chirp happily and flowers looks beautiful in their differant colours. It gives me a better outlook on life,that when one bad chapter closes another beautiful,unstained and fresh one begins. Just like with Linda,after everything we've been through we'll always start a new chapter,a clean chapter with greener grass and beautiful colours. A chapter that isn't stained but is clean,and well he didn't deserve to be chased out like that. I could've just listened to him and to what he was saying but i put what i wanted to say first and well although it felt good to get those things off my chest but i shouldn't have dumped all that on him just like that. As i sit in the park bench,my phone buzzes signifying i have a new message. I unlock my phone and see a message from Princess.
"Where are you and why aren't you at school. Linda is on a shit mood,the fuck happened between yall?"
Sighing,i now feel guilty because Linda is moody all because of me and my hurtful rejection fron him.
"Im at the park,i didn't feel like school
  I also would've been in a shit mood so its vetter when uts one person only. When school comes out grab the girls and come over. I'll explain everything later" i text back and start making my way back home noticing school is only coming out in an hour. I don't understand why they went to school cause we had a half day meaning it'd come out at 12.

A/N
Hey guys❤sorry for not postinbin a while. I was going through some shii you know and writing was the last thing on my mind so I'm sorry.
I posted an extra long chapter to make up for it❤♥
Bye