untitled | h.s au

"dear harry,

I know you won't understand why I've done this, or why I didn't tell you sooner but I was scared, I still am, so that's why I'm leaving, I can't be there for you, for her, I'm not ready to be a mum, and who knows, one day, maybe I'll come back, but for now, I can't do it, so I'm leaving, and I'm not taking our baby with me, I'm leaving her with you, because I know you will give her everything, you will treat her like a princess, you will love her with all of your heart, you will do everything that I can't for her, please don't think I'm leaving because I don't love YOU because I do, with all my heart, but I don't love her, I can't love her, she was a stupid mistake, and she'd ruin my life, I never wanted her from the start, but I couldn't do that to you, I couldn't take away your chance at being a dad. please, don't hate me Harry, please try to understand. find someone who can love you and her, find someone who isn't me.

I'll be thinking about you always.

Hannah x"

intro.

harry's pov.

I don't really remember much about that night, I remember that is was a miserable night, thunder was rumbling, echoing through the house, it's what woke me up, I wish it hadn't though because I woke up to find the bed empty, to find a letter folded up where Hannah should be sleeping, I knew the moment I saw it, I knew it was nothing good and I knew I didn't want to open it, but I did, I read through the page, with tears slipping from my tired eyes when I read her words, I think the thing that upset me the most was that she didn't tell me, she didn't say goodbye, she just got out of bed in the middle of the night and packed her bags, if she'd sat me down, explained to me, yes I'd have been upset but I'd have understood, I wouldn't have blamed her, but she didn't even give me that, she just left me with these feelings that I'll never get to say, it felt like I'd gotten to the middle of a book but couldn't close it, I still haven't closed that book, I won't be able to, because I won't be able to say goodbye, but I've no happiness when I think about her now, because now all of our happy memories with her have been replaced, by the memory of waking up to that letter, by the memories of Maisie spending the next two weeks crying at night because she wanted her mummy, so now all I feel is emptiness when I think of the girl I once wanted to marry, but I guess to feel nothing for her is better than to feel everything for her.

it's been a year today, a year since she left, Maisie had her 1st birthday last month, I half expected Hannah to turn up but she didn't, she didn't even send a text, but Maisie didn't care, she's too young to care, all she cared about was all of her presents, the majority of which were teddies that are now sat at the bottom of the bed, watching me get lost in my thoughts, Maisie loves them, they're like her only friends in a way, and I know that that is my fault, because we're never at home, she doesn't get to spend time around many other kids, it's always her, me and the lads on the tour bus or in different hotels, she's not getting a proper childhood and I do feel guilty but she's a happy baby, so that's really all that matters to me.