What would you do? (A Bastille/ Dan Smith fanfic)

67. Where have you been?

Hey guys, sorry for the annoying authors note here. Just wanted to say a huuuuge thank you as I've just reached 50,000 reads. AAHHHHHH that's amazing! It makes me so happy that people read this and I really hope you like it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! x

ALLY’S P.O.V.

“Don’t worry, Mummy will be here to get you soon.” I tried to console Ellie whilst she wailed loudly. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Dan left with no explanation last night and over 12 hours later he had still not returned or even bothered to pick up his bloody phone. Previous to this, I had hardly spent any time with Ellie so I’m basically a stranger to her, so it’s no wonder why she’s in absolute bits because there’s no familiar person here. Dan better have a fucking good reason as to why he’s left me in the shit like this.

After hours of crying and comforting, Ellie had finally worn herself out and was busy watching SpongeBob Squarepants. Dan was still playing the invisible man and not answering his phone. I was beginning to get worried and was actually contemplating phoning the local hospitals to check if something really bad had happened. That would serve me right, I’ve been fuming that he hasn’t told me where he is and for all I know he’s laying on a hospital bed.

Adam, Rick and Toby had all come in, confused as to why I was looking after a child and who she was. I quickly made up an excuse about her being a friend of mine’s daughter and luckily they all bought it. It was, again, up to Dan to tell them the truth.

Another few hours had passed and I had managed to keep Ellie calm, mainly by giving her whatever she asked for and letting her watch countless children’s TV programmes, which if I’m honest I was actually enjoying. And then Dan casually strolled in the door in the early evening. I immediately ran up to him and jumped on him and kissed him all over, thankful that he was okay. But then I moved back and pushed him gently to show my anger.

“Where the f… Where have you been?!” I shouted, aware of my language seeing as Ellie was in the room. She had barely noticed Dan’s entrance, too intrigued with Dora the explorer to care.

“I’m so sorry, my phone was dead so I couldn’t use it.” He grunted softly. “Awful choice of words.. Lou’s mum passed away last night and she needed me.” He whispered.

I was sorry for her that her mum had passed, after all I knew how that felt and it was truly shit. But why had she called Dan? Surely she had friends that she could have called? Anyone other than her ex-boyfriend whom she’s only just got back into contact with. So although I did feel sorry for her, I also felt anger. Why was it that she seemed intent with spending so much time with him and why did she ‘need’ him?

DAN’S P.O.V.

Seeing Lou cry made feelings return to me that I never thought I would feel again. Feelings of upset because she was upset. Feelings of anger that anything could make her this upset. Feelings of love for her. Feelings of anger again, that she could have ever of hurt me that much and I still felt love for her.

Lou leant away from my chest and looked me in the eye. She could sense that I had these feelings circulating my mind. She leant in and brushed her lips against mine gently. Backing off, she saw my facial expression. Right there, in that moment I needed her. I pulled her towards me again and kissed her again, this time deeper and more passionately. We moved in sync so that we were laying on the sofa, with her on top of me, her legs either side of me and her body pushed close to mine. This was happening.. Again. Lou and Dan. Dan and Lou. This was all that I wanted in this moment.

But Ally. Oh Ally. What am I doing? I have Ally. I love Ally. Don’t I? I had only ever properly loved two people. Ally, my girlfriend, who’s waiting at home for me. And Lou, who I’m kissing right now. Why am I kissing her? I have a girlfriend. But this felt good, too good to stop. This needs to stop.

I felt Lou’s hand reach my trouser button and that was the moment I was consumed by guilt completely and pushed her away. This was utterly wrong and I knew it. “Lou stop.” I said as she still insisted on putting her hand down my trousers.

“Why Dan?” She sexily whispered in my ear. Resisting her was going to be harder than I first anticipated.

“You know this is wrong.” I tried to pull away whilst she held me down. I needed to go, get away from her, get away from this situation. “I have to go, I can’t do this.”

“Oh for fucks sake. I’m such a fucking mess. Throwing myself at you like this.” She started crying again. “I’m so sorry Dan.” And again, I was watching her crying. I had to comfort her. We were still in our laying down position and she was still on top of me. She lay her head on my chest and sighed. “Please stay?”

I couldn’t leave her like this, I absolutely couldn’t. I wouldn’t allow anything more sexual to happen between us but I couldn’t go. “Okay.” I agreed, relaxing slightly. “Let’s get some sleep.”

She gave me a weak smile and sat up slightly. “Dan? I don’t want anything to happen but can you do something for me?” I nodded, unsure of what she was going to say. “Hold me?” I smiled back and moved over, allowing her to lay next to me on the sofa whilst I held her close. Only a few minutes later I felt her breathing deepen and she had drifted into a peaceful sleep, whilst I lay there with a million thoughts about the nights events. What had I done?

……..

We woke up early, both feeling stiff after our night on the sofa. Things weren’t awkward at all, it almost felt natural and like nothing had ever happened in the past two years and that we were still together. But we weren’t together. I was with Ally I had to remind myself.

Lou left to make breakfast and I reached into my pocket to get my phone out. It was out of battery, brilliant. I wanted to call Ally and apologise for not telling her where I was going last night but I couldn’t now. This had to be some sort of a sign.

I spent most of the day with Lou, who was still going through the emotions of her mother passing. She kept breaking down and I was unsure if I would even be able to leave her on her own that night. I agreed to look after Ellie for the rest of the night and that we would meet up again tomorrow. That would give her a bit of a chance to arrange some things and get a decent night’s sleep.

I nervously walked home, knowing that I would either be lying to Ally when I got back, or telling her the truth which would end up in us breaking up.

I became immediately emotional seeing Ally and ended up breaking down completely, crying into her arms. I couldn’t do this to her. I loved her more than anything. I wanted her entirely. There was no denying that there was always going to be something between myself and Lou, but Ally was my life right now and I was dedicated to our relationship.

LOU’S P.O.V.

Dan and I had kissed last night. That was progress. I was now more certain about this than I had ever been about anything before. I wanted Dan back. We would be together again soon.