Thursday May 10th, 2018
7:22 am
FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!!!!!!
Welp I'm going to be late. I woke up early and i swear I only closed my eyes for 5 minutes. Now I'm rushing to get to work. I'm tired. I'm hungry. Uuuuggghhhhh.
9:12 am
My legs are fucking burning I'm tired even more. I'm never EVER doing this again. Who even said this was a good idea anyways? Oh right he did. Anyways gotta work.
12:59 pm
My legs are burning. My lungs are burning I look like someone painted me red. I'm still very tired even worse now. And I still have to go to school. FUCK. My. Life. I mean I would stay home if I could but I can't and that sucks. This bus ride to school has me thinking. Thinking about ways to make my life easier. Thinking about how I can make it without the constant shift of emotions. In ways this ride seems like it's taking forever and maybe that's just the beginning of my reality with him. But I know what I signed up for. I know what I said yes to. My mind is racing and it's constantly shifting.
6:03 pm
I'm just so so tired. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. My mind is racing. My heart is beating. You want to know what's on my mind? Pain. Pain that is so brutal it's like someone slowly ripped open my chest and pulled out my heart. Pain in every sense of the word. I feel the pain of my love leaving with no say or choice. I feel the pain of my mind attacking my heart with images and memories I dont want to see believe or remember. I feel pain in a way that most people don't understand and yet everyone keeps acting like it's simple. I feel attacked by those closest to me. I feel brutalized and beaten down. The spiteful words that are bring thrown at me. The blows that they are trying to take. You don't know pain until you have to watch the man you love walk away from you. I cant help but constantly rest that morning. He looked back at me 4 times before disappearing down those stairs. He honked 4 times before his taillights disappeared. He kissed me and held me. Maybe im insane maybe I keep clinging onto the memory because of fear.
10:15 pm
I'm angry. I'm upset. I just want him to use that beautiful mouth of his to tell me what's going on. I know what I said yes to. I know what I fucking said yes to! I'm not a baby and I'm not fragile (sorta). I'm his equal. I should be his equal. I hate when he's all hypocritical. It's annoying. Frustrating. Infuriating. I love him and i just want him to dump some of his load off his back. I can take it. Just talk to me and we will be ok. I love you. We will get through this I promise. Okay?
YOU ARE READING
The Struggles and Confessions of a Military Girlfriend.
Non-FictionMy boyfriend has just been deployed. Everyday is a struggle with lots of things and everyday its so hard to not just want to turn into sleeping beauty herself until my hero comes back to kiss me awake. Maybe you understand, maybe you don't. But this...
