The sun is high and scorching hot, I must go find a tree at least to get a shade, that's what a normal person would do. But a person in love, well they can't be classified as normal can they? I mean they do things beyond what they should do, rational mindset vanishes and all they can ever think of is the person whom they love.
This is exactly why I am still standing in this playground, watching a person who is so near but I can never reach. He glanced on my side and wave like an elementary student afraid he might not have been noticed, but I do, I always do. I returned his wave with a smile and do some silent cheering, that's the only thing I can do, that's what a best friend does. The game ended and as always their team loss it's expected though they're playing against seasoned players while they are still amateur college students. He run towards me with his arms extending wide ready to crash me for some bear hug.
"Luis! Seriously? You stink. Don't hug me, go get some shower first!"
"You're such a girl Lily" he answered crashing me more to his body and shoving his armpit
"Lulu, FYI I'm a girl, so get lost before I hit you in the head"
Laughing, he heads towards their house and take a shower, this is the scene every weekend, we hangout, piss each other, and pester each houses with each other's presence, but he is never a nuisance on my side, I just have to act like he is, that's how I managed to last our friendship, that's how I control myself to not go over that label. A year had passed and its our graduation ceremony, we decided to celebrate together in their house with each others' family and relatives.
"So when will be hearing a wedding bell?"
I almost choke with Nana's statement Lulu's grandmother, it's funny though how people around us always sees us as an item, they will always thought we're in a relationship. I really can't blame them Lulu and I are inseparable since 2nd year high school we're classmates and even in college with different course we're always together, during lunch going home and whenever we have the same vacant time. I wish we're an item though but we're not, I know he just sees me as a younger sister that he never had, that's what he said during high school days.
"Nana! Lily and I, we're not in a relationship okay? You're scaring her, look."
"Lulu, Nana's just kidding, she just wants to tease you, and anyway I'll just go to our HQ okay?"
I exited the living room and went to his room; this is our HQ way back then. I replayed the conversation a while ago, and I just really wanted to cry so damn hard. I'm angry with myself and Lulu and Nana and everyone else. I wanted to question am I not beautiful enough? A lot of people say I can be a model that means I'm beautiful but I can't understand how Lulu never notices me, I'm beautiful, I'm smart and I'm not that bad. Does he like someone else and just afraid to introduce to me because of my reaction? I keep thinking about those that I didn't realize a lone tear escaped right on time when Lulu entered the room.
"Hey, Lily what's wrong why are you crying?"
He sat right next to me and patted my shoulder while combing my hair, this is how he calms me and it makes me cry even more. Why can't you be mine Lulu?
"Lily you're scaring me, tell me what's wrong"
"Nothing, I just remembered our moments and it makes me sad because we might not do those anymore we will be busy with finding and keeping our jobs"
That is partly true, it lessens even more my chance to build more friendship with him. That night he consoled me until I went to sleep. However even in my dreams he is there hunting me with those sarcastic and playful smiles. I dreamed about our moments together when were in the lake fishing and I didn't catch a single fish so he gave his to mine, how he would carry me in his back when I feel tired going up the hill and even how he took care of me during my first drunk state, his patience when I'm being silly and nuisance. How he would hug me every time I feel down because of not perfecting the exam and constantly reminding me how unimportant perfecting the exam is, that giving your all should what matters most. Our first serious fight during 3rd year college when I became rebellious and dated guys in our school just to get rid of my feelings towards him, I clearly remember how furious he is that time that I thought he likes me too somehow but every time I think about that I would always be reminded of his words back then 'you're my little sister so I should protect you' however despite my rebellious state it was him who made an effort to make peace with me. Those were all in my dreams that I wake up crying in his bed and his not there. Everyone was happy graduating but I feel otherwise.
