After She Left (girlxgirl)

Twenty Four (Part I)

"Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that's the one that's going to help you grow."

-Caroline Myss

Whilst I was asleep I only thought about one thing - expectations. I always expected more from people, thinking they should react to things the way I would of in their position, yet everything is wrong about that statement. 

The famous quote of William Shakespeare was what I first thought of once I woke. 

Expectation is the root of all heartache. 

Simple, yet difficult, isn't it? Just like human beings. 

You can't possibly love without expecting something, either it's marriage or them at least asking you on a date before deciding to propose. Either way, expectations seem to be impossible to avoid, yet with expectations comes heartache. Therefor, I concluded that expectations is rather the root of love, which is the root of all heartache. 

Beautiful yet tragic - not all love should be such though. With love comes sacrifice, yet not all sacrifice should be seen as this big bad monster, no love should be seen as such as well. Meanwhile yes, you do sacrifice, you also gain far more than you had before. And that's the beauty of love. The sacrifices, the expectations, the heartaches, all words that seemingly cause distress, yet their root is the most beautiful and pure thing anyone can ever encounter.

Originally when I woke, I was alone in the room, I started to get too much in my head with all the needles and gauze wrapped around my body, nearly sending myself towards a panick attack, but eventually I calmed down, thinking clearly of things. A thing I had learned through the days living in pure hell, I shouldn't be waiting for someone to come and calm me down, to help me out and make it better, no one apart from yourself will be there for you during the worst and the best.

I'm not entirely sure why I pretended to be asleep for the first few days, but I guess it could be explained by my fear of facing them and not facing the rest. Of course, whilst these guys thought I was asleep, I found out things they would be too afraid to tell me eye to eye. Things like Andre and Hanna saving me with the help of the rest, the rest of them being banned from the hospital. Then came things I actually preferred them say whilst I was "sleeping", like my parents discussing about what to do with Austin, as I'd concluded he'd been caught by them, them also express their concern for my mental state. 

So for the first days all I did was think and listen, something I felt I wasn't able to do lately due to certain circumstances. It was clear Luke was fine, but I had to be sure, he wouldn't of taken it too well if he was forced to leave me.

"Where's Luke?" I asked as soon as I "woke up". 

It felt so weird talking. As if learning to speak again.

Hanna turned her head from the window, faking a surprised face. Or maybe it was a genuine surprise as she most likely didn't know when I'd come to my senses.. Mentally. She was my best friend for years, did she really think I thought she was clueless enough not to notice my act?

"Thanks Hanna for saving my life, nearly dying made me realize how much I love you," she sarcastically responded, "shouldn't your first words to me be something along these lines?"

I wanted to laugh, or smile, yet nothing really seemed to amuse me at this point as I thought of the next most important thing: "can you get my parents?"

She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, as if in disbelief of the way I acted: "sure, I'll send them a text."

As soon as she did that, she made her way towards me, trying to grab my hand yet I moved it away instantly, not really controlling my own actions. She noticed it, yet tried ignoring it, as she smiled at me, her arms resting on the side of my bed: "how are you feeling?"