CONSENT.

Preface

     When I told my best friend Juliette about what had happened to me over the summer, she was uncomfortable. I could tell. Except, she cares about me in a way that scares me sometimes, so she asked me exactly what had happened. I told her I only remembered it in fragments of horror. I told her it was a blur.

     "Are you sure it happened, then?"Juliette asked. "Did you make him think you wanted to do it?" "Were you drunk?""What were you wearing?"

     'Are you serious right now?' I thought to myself. It was absurd to me that she would even be asking those types of questions instead of asking if I was okay. Though, in her eyes I wasn't a victim. It was just something she was conditioned to think. The world has made my sweet, innocent Juliette believe that this type of thing was my fault.  I was sure it happened. My thighs still ached. I still flinched when anyone touched me. I still remember my own sceams being shoved down my own throat.  I still have the bruises. "I hadn't had any alcohol," I said. "Only a glass of iced tea. I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. It was chilly."

     "I thought you said you didn't remember any of it," Juliette said.

     "I remember that," I said. At this point I was wishing I had said nothing. Juliette wouldn't see my point of view. She was smart, but I knew she wouldn't be good at talking about these types of things. 

     "I really don't know what to say, June," Juliette told me. I closed my eyes for a moment. Then I stood up and sauntered off. I never mentioned it to her again.

     I lied about one thing to her, though. I remembered every second of it. I know that I shouldn't remember it. I shouldn't think about it every single day. It's just . . . when your first time having sex is forced, it's hard not to think about it every day. 

 6.18.18

Note:

This book is first and foremost to promote awareness for rape and sexual assault. There  are, of course, underlying themes of love, friends, and family. However, if this story will trigger you in any way, I strongly recommend you avoid reading it.