"I really just can't do this. It's not your fault, and I really do like you, but I just am missing that inexplicable something."
This appeared on your phone. Your girlfriend had sent it. Or perhaps your girlfriend hadn't sent it. No, she would have to be your ex-girlfriend to send that. Does the ex begin when she sends it or when you read it? What if you were totally oblivious to it? Perhaps your phone broke, or you lost it. Could you not be in a relationship and not know it? That's terrifying. But even more terrifying was that you absolutely know that you were not in a relationship because you did read that text.
You and your dad were hanging out when you received that text. You had been watching Breaking Bad for months and now it was down to the last five minutes of the series finale. You tried to remain cool about it and finish the episode, but you were so distraught that you were simply rocking in your seat. You could see and hear clearly, but the patterns in front of your face did not make any sense to you, nor did the sounds. A second ago they had all made sense, but now they told you nothing.
"I'm going for a run," You told your dad.
"Alright." He said in a concerned tone.
You went downstairs, put on your shoes and left the house. You sprinted away, and up the trail by your house. You ran and thought of how much you hated her. Why did she have to do this to you? It was going so well. You were perfect together. If she had not been happy couldn't she have said something? But to just go from loving embrace to nothing over a couple hours of absence, that was cruel.
As you ran, you saw a few tree trunks, the place, only hours before, she had convinced you to run sprints with her. You had not wanted to, but it had been neccessary. Or so you thought it had been neccessary, to extend the relationship. You realized that the trail that you used to escape from her was no longer yours, it was hers, she had taken it from you.
You ran back to your house. You opened the door and walked inside. You unlocked your phone and texted, "I don't really know what I'm supposed to say." And this came from the captain of the debate team, you always knew what you were supposed to say.
At this point it was dark and so you took to your favorite lawn chair and looked up at the stars. They were beautiful that night. You remembered how you two would sit under them and stare and be utterly confused about the difference between a planet and a star. Then, when you had enough of that, you kissed.
And as you thought this you became sad because you could no longer gaze at the stars now. No, she had stolen the stars. All the faith that you had once had in them was now gone. The hope, once in beautiful nights of loving, lost now in horrid nights of loathing.
Then, she texted you back. Her text told how you did not need to say anything, and how you were perfect, and how this all was happening simply because she did not have "an inexplicable feeling that needs to be there."
You texted back about how you weren't really asking her permission and how you were so far overdone by her random sentiment that you were simply in shock. You went on to talk about the faults in our stars. It was a pitiless execrise in self-indulgence, but you needed it. She responded, and you responded back. You continued on until she said good night, and you responded, politely.
Then you could not sleep, so you went on wikiHow and found an article about getting over someone. You read the article and it was good. Most of the things were unapplicable, but you felt it helped. One of the things suggested that you hang out with people you hadn't seen recently. You took this to heart and texted Izzi about hanging out. She said sure and asked what you would do. You looked at another section that suggested trying new things, with a picture of skydiving next to it.
"How about skydiving?" You suggested.
She texted me about the safety risks involved, and all the things that went with it. You suggested that it wasn't so bad, and that all you really wanted to do at that point was to go skydiving.
So, because it was summer and you were free to do as you pleased, the next day you were on an airplane flying at 12,500 feet. They had told you that the most important part was to deploy the shute. If you did not do that, then, well, 12,500 feet is a long way down.
They opened the doors and yelled at you to get up and walk over to the door. You complied and after a second they told you to jump. You jumped first and Izzi followed after you.
You were in the air now, and nothing was holding you from where you were going. It was so nice just to think about falling. You were moving faster and faster, and Izzi pulled her chute. The people who were instructing yelled at you to do the same.
But you had recognized the landing point. The park you were supposed to land in was the same place that you and her had gone out to. You had spent days at that park talking, nothing else. No, you could not go back there, it would kill you. So, you kept falling. You did not worry about hitting the ground. You were not afraid anymore.
You fell flat on the hard grass. You died.
